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Trapped and confused

Melany
Community Member

While working overseas I met my Aussie partner, J and had great time spending the next 5 years together. I trusted him and let him decide on my finance. We bought a property as joint tenants and moved to Australia as a partner in a de facto relationship. I was anxious about his 2 adult children but he assured me that there is no issue.

There are a lot of issues and my partner can't do enough for them. J asked me to transfer a significant amount of money into his super and I did. I have been in Australia for almost 3 years and could not find a job yet. And the chances are thinner given the time gap. However we have a high maintenance property which I work hard on. It is a full time job, overwhelming sometime but I enjoy everything I do.

But J does not appreciate and does not participate. All he wants is us to go away so leave the property for his son and his mates weekend fun.

His son's attitude is that I do not exist or I'm worthless. He wouldn't ask permission but just text that he is "coming with my mates ...".

J is blind to this attitude, he says that the kids like me and all other lies. But his son's look at me make me go to the police.

I repeatedly told J how much it means to me to have my place, my personal space. But there were too many occasions when I've been hinted by his relatives or friends to let the place for the kids to enjoy or that I do not belong here.

J hits at this very core value, he wants me out, travelling around, disconnected, belonging to nowhere. My money was necessary and he did his best to convince me that he loved me and that everything would be fine.

I was not allowed at his daughter's engagement party but I had to sign as a guarantor for her loan. Also she wants to have the wedding at our place. So awkward... I wonder if I'm going to be asked to hide somewhere.

Is there any protection for non-citizens, how can I make sure I get a decent escape from this situation.

3 Replies 3

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Melany~

I'm sorry you have come here in such circumstances. By the sounds of it you do not have a partner in J so much as a user. While intentions might have been good during those initial years overseas now he is back in his family environment his priories become clear. Obviously he is not seeing to your welfare as he should.

This, quite apart from the financial situation, is a heartbreaking state of affairs.

Do you think there is any possibility that couples counseling might be effective? Perhaps it might be worth a try before going further, though as the person on the spot your judgment might be it is too late or inappropriate, I don't know.

Apart from that I can only suggest the obvious, you contact a lawyer and take matters from there. No doubt you have already thought of this.

Living away from your home country presents all sorts of problems, of which distance can be a major one. Do you have family and friends you can contact for advice and support. Dealing with all this by yourself would be a very frightening and bewildering thing.

One thing many people find when taken advantage of is that it is some way their own fault or due to some lack in themselves. This is of course completely incorrect. If a person professes love and then simply uses the person they are solely responsible.

I hope you manage to work things out quickly

Croix

Melany
Community Member
Thank you

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Melany~

Thank you. You know you are welcome here anytime, not just to ask that first set of questions, but to talk, blow off steam, or just so you do not feel entirely alone

Croix