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Toxic relationship I can’t seem to leave..

indiana678
Community Member

Hi guys,

so basically this is my first post but I have reached a breaking point in my life where I have no idea what I’m doing in my relationship, so my partner and I were together for 2 years and then things started to go downhill.. we started fighting and arguing although always drawn back to each other and then we broke up and he got back with his ex for a few weeks until he broke that off and asked me to hang out with him, so we started seeing each other and it’s nearly been a year now, I am living at his house although we are not in a relationship and he says we are just friends even though we don’t act like it. I’m really confused by the whole situation and am just not sure whether to try harder or give up and walk away...

thank you so much for taking the time to read this!!

2 Replies 2

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

hi Indiana 678,

Welcome to the forum.Welldome for writing your first post and sharing it with others as that is difficult to do.

I can see how you are feel confused about your relationship because you are told it is not a relationship yet you are living with him and you are told you are just friends but you feel you don’t act like it.

When you see these these contradictions it must be hard to know what to do. The mixed messages are difficult to work out.

What do you think your partner means by you are not in a relationships and you are just friends?

What would it take for you not to feel confused?

Have you spoke to him about how you feel?

I ask questions because it helps me but feel free not to answer any question that you don’t want to.

I was in a chaotic relationship where I felt my partner had the best of both worlds, he had the security and comfort of being in a couple but he also had the freedom of being single by going out and away alone with out ever telling me where he was going or when he would be home. I know that is different from your situation but when don’t have clear guidelines it is very confusing and of course family and friends offered lots of advice.

feel free to post here anytime.Thanks for your post.

Quirky

romantic_thi3f
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi indiana678,

Welcome to the forums! Thanks for joining us.

Gosh that post was confusing to read! I can't imagine how confusing it must feel to be on-again off-again and I can see why you'd be confused too!

Quirkywords has written a great reply already and if you're willing to write again it'd be great to get some more information on what's going on. It's kind of hard for me to get a picture of what's happening - like maybe what made you guys go downhill, how you're both feeling now, if you've tried to talk about or what you've tried to make it better etc etc

You said in your post title you had a toxic relationship that you can't seem to leave; what is it that makes it toxic? What makes you want to stay? Is there anything that makes it non-toxic?

I'll stop with the questions now! I don't think I can give you advice about whether to try harder or walk away - I don't think there's ever a right or wrong answer even with all the information in the world. For me personally, it's about trying to toss up the pro's and con's of the relationship. Which outweighs which? and also the pro's and con's long-term - is this something you'd be okay with if it kept going? Do you think things will change?

I'm not sure if this helps or not but hopefully it gives you some things to think about.