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Toxic relationship affects my mental health

Mickey85
Community Member
Hi, I am feeling down for a few weeks now due to my marriage situation. My husband is a very difficult person, he is very controlling and he also makes the most decisions in our home. It has been like that since ever, but what bothers me the most is his constant need to complain about things I have not done at home and criticising the things I have done. Basically, he is never happy with what I do. He is calling me lazy, to slow and incapable. I also have two very young kids, and it is very hard to maintain the household. He is frequently ignoring me, for example staring at the tv or the phone when I say something. He basically always blames me if something goes wrong and when I tell him of and star to argue with him, he may become aggressive and start throwing things, although this doesn’t always happen. He claims that I am disinterested in everything in our home, when in fact, I let him decide and do many things because he always likes to get his own way. We are married for 5 years and we are both from overseas. I don’t have any family or close friends, I actually haven’t met a single person who I can trust to talk about private things. So I am keeping it to myself for a very long time, I feel like constant criticism has started to affect my self esteem and I started to feel miserable most of the time. I feel like leaving him, but I don’t know where to go with 2 young kids and no support. I don’t work, I have justcompleted first year of my 3 year-degree. I feel so lost at the moment 😞
4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion
Hi, welcome

I know what it's like to be in a marriage with a controlling spouse. Life is terrible.

I'm not knowledgeable enough about the situation with emergency housing etc but I'm certain if you left you would be eligible for centrelink payments. However your husband would be entitled to access to his children.

A first appointment with a family solicitor is usually free.

I wish you all the best.

TonyWK

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator

Hey Mickey85,

Welcome to the forums, and thank you for sharing your journey here with us. We are so sorry to hear about what you are going through with your husband, which must be especially difficult without friends or family to help offer support during such an overwhelming time. We think you are such a strong person and can hear the love and concern that you have for your 2 young children. We hope that you find these forums to be a safe space to talk about these thoughts and feelings, and please know that our caring community is here to help you through this.

If you feel up to it, we would recommend reaching out to an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships. It might be worth finding out what they can offer you.

The kind and understanding counsellors at 1800RESPECT also have a lot of experience offering advice to people in your situation, and are always available to you, 24/7 on 1800 737 732 as well as through their webchat at: https://www.1800respect.org.au/ We hope that you also always feel welcome to call our Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or you can also get in touch with us on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way.

We know it has taken courage for you to share your story today, so thank you. We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums and please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread throughout your journey.

Thank you for your kind words and advices regarding counselling. I have already got in touch with 1800respect and they referred me to see a counsellor, but I am trying to get the courage to start. I believe I will get it soon. As you said, it’s so helpful to have a safe place like this, it’s not healthy to keep it to yourself, I can clearly see it.

Thank you for your reply TonyWK. Life is indeed pretty much terrible with controlling person. From this perspective, leaving seems very scary. But I know it will happenin the near future. I don’t believe that people change, especially not for good. I have tried to tell him many times, but nothing changed to better. I believe that if I wasn’t so understanding, I would have left him much earlier because his behaviour was noticeable even at the beginning of our relationship. I feel guilty for letting this happen for so long. I cried my eyes balls today and I don’t want to do this to myself anymore.