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Tired of trying

Community Member
2 years ago i met an amazing girl... my soul mate... she lives in the US and from the moment we met she never left my mind. After visiting the US a number of times to see her, we decided we would look to live together, both in the US and here in Australia. To do this i needed to make sure we were financial to be able to enjoy our lives together. So after we took a vacation to the Greek islands and Thailand, i started a business with some friends with the intention of walking away with a monthly salary when its all set up. I am due to leave this business now in 5 weeks. Today i got a text message saying that someone else has come into her life and she wants to take a step back from us. I worked 7 days a week... day and night.. for a good part of a year .. i flew to see her numerous times even paying for her to come here.... right now i feel lost... i dont know if im angry, sad, lonely or just disappointed in myself or the outcome... i did nothing but work to ensure she could have the world... so we could travel and enjoy life together.... if going to such lengths means i lose out.. what chance do i have at my old age of 51 of finding the a woman....
4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi L&T, welcome

a tough situation no doubt. I would allow her to "find herself" and let her step back as she wants. She is likely worried about the travel and distance. It might also be this new person in her life that has made her think twice.

In the meantime, as hard as it is, I'd be also stepping back and reviewing the situation. As it is a relationship of zero commitment at this time, put her aside in your mind somewhat (not completely) and get on with your life, that might include dating because she has admitted she needs time and that means zero commitment.

At your age it is not in your interest to worry about your age. you could be seeking your soul mate and that takes more time. Computer dating is an effective way of narrowing down the ones that are not compatible.

I hope I've helped. As for the other lady its best not to rush her. It's the worse thing to do.

Tony WK

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Lonely and Tired~

Welcome here, Tony has as usual given some pretty good advice and I'd just like to add a couple of things.

I was not much younger than you when I found my (second) soulmate. My first wife had passed away very young. I met someone of my dreams. We have been together for a great many years. It can work out just fine.

Secondly distance relationships - even with visits in person - have a lot of downsides, in a way they are a bit like shipboard romances. You do not see the person in the setting of your ordinary life, and as you are only together for short periods in artificial circumstances and only contact otherwise by limited means ISkype etc) neither party really gets to know the other 100%.

I would imaging in many cases where the couple actually do settle down together problems may start. You are having problems now, which is maybe the best time to have them. As Tony says it is best not to rush her, let her take her time, and while that is happening explore your situation close to home. If you both come out of this feeling more attachment for each other it will have been a positive step. If not then at least you have discovered the true nature of things before either of you had irrevocably committed yourselves.

From the sounds of it you are a very capable person, setting up a business like that is no mean task. I'm sure, even with all the heart-ache you will cope with all this .


Community Member

Hi LT.

l can relate like you wouldn't believe and around the same age , that part l don't relate to at all your not old mate hell l still feel like a kid.

But l'll tell you something funny , , well 2 things. One l have a mate 64 and he's just started meeting women again , he has so many women to ask out it's hilarious. He literally has a revolving Que of about 10 , non stop. Secondly one of my brothers is a few years older than me, no teeth, has hair like a cave man , no job , no money, old car wreck , has 3 girl friends.

But on your sitch , yeah, l hear you. l've been involved with mine 2yrs now , she's in the US too.

She's come and gone here as she can fly free and last l was suppose to go there. But as l'd just gone through divorce and struggling, have a business and finally got another house, it was harder for me with costs and l had to do extra work, save hard and a lot of planning to make my trip. l was finally just about to leave and we got into a tangle and split up. We'd looked at immigration and money and l'd even started to set up a business l could do from the US. Unbelievable .

But she had head issues also and we'd split up before but on her good sides , it was all there for us both from the day we met, more than anyone for either of us ever, huge stuff, dreams. But there was also her issues which were a day to day battle for me also. And they were a real decision as to should l keep trying, could l handle them for life, marriage,moving countries , the full bit. .

Sadly , just this last week we've crashed again, l think l joined here at bb around the last time we crashed. Could not even string the words together to describe her personality things but sadly nope, it's not gonna work.

Think of the financial setup to mate , it sounds like it's pretty well set up now, at least that's something. l have good money in the bank now that l'm not going for the first time since my marriage broke up, l know , it's only money but eh, it does pick me up at least.

Let us know how your doing eh.

Community Member

There are also a few other things l'm finding with myself LT , right sides l guess and l'll take whatever bright side l can get right now.

But as much as l felt for her and l would take US any day of course , but man l do have to admit, in ways l feel like a different person. ln all honesty to myself , l didn't wanna move to the us, or start a business there and have to start new in such a huge way. l also couldn't manage the costs of applying for her to live here and and the country hopping until we figured it all out. It'd been all so much stress and worry dealing with it all non stop and trying again and again to figure out the next hurdle.

l must admit , l do feel 500 pounds lighter , l've been living all that for 2yrs but now, not to mention trying to keep the relationship as real as we can and going all the time, and worrying,l couldn't even imagine what it must be like to have a real relationship right here , like a normal couple,That's almost fantasy .

l miss her so much , us , but at the same time l feel almost relived in other ways. lt's hard to except that l should feel like that , and l feel guilty as hell , but l'm just saying it is some silver lining.