Tired/hurt. Grief/loss surviving family members
I'm really tired, worn out and more than likely completely burnt out. I have been grieving, still am grieving the loss of my family. They are all still alive. Ambiguous grief is just as difficult to go through as grief and loss over a loved one's passing is. There are differences, though grief is grief. I cut contact with the last one to go. My mum. I cut all contact with her on December 1st 2019. I did it via email and have never heard a word since. It's ever so easy to get trapped and stuck in the past the way you remember and feel it. The question of moving on is on my mind alot. I have been through the grief process many times so it's not a stranger to me. I had an abusive childhood with both parents. Even now I still feel bad using the word abuse. I'm in and out of denial because it hurts to know my parents abused me. I'm not at the acceptance stage of that yet. I did not need to cut contact with my sister. She barely spoke to me anyway. I cut all contact with my father when I was 30. Ten years ago. I still deal with a lot when it comes to him alone. I have no intention at this stage of getting in touch with my mother. I need to take care of me.
I'm just wondering what others found useful in healing and moving on. I know therapy, I would prefer other stories than just therapy. The support would be welcome. Thanks.
You are an amazing person to say the least. It can be incredibly challenging to rise through the process of letting go of those who have spent a lifetime of bringing you down.
Not sure whether you've considered who you do want in your life to raise you in positive ways. Thinking about the folk who have the potential to raise you to meet the greatest and most natural version of yourself is worth the time. It's tough to imagine such people if you haven't met them yet but one way to begin heading in the right direction (towards meeting them) is maybe by asking the question 'Who do I feel or sense I want to be?'
If you want to be someone who relaxes, consider joining a meditation group or a Tai Chi group. If you want to be someone who wants to bring out the artist in yourself, consider some artistic group. If you want to really challenge yourself, look for a group who draws from having a nude model in the room. This is pretty confronting if you've never done it before but it's amazing how humbling and beautiful such an artistic experience can be. If you've ever wondered about whether there's a soulful side to yourself, consider a spiritual circle. I'm not talking about religion, more so the basic soul nature stuff. Perhaps nature photography is your thing; capturing the natural beauty of a world which doesn't feel so beautiful at times can be a soulful way to reconnect with life.
You are on the brink of discovering who you truly are. It is a massive world out there with much to choose from, in the way of coming to know our self. Sometimes the way to rise to meet our self is with the help of those in a group/circle, who come together for the purpose of inspiring each other and creating a life of difference and fulfillment.
Another thing to take into account regarding the group aspect - others deserve to know your beauty as they witness your inspiring rise to freedom and self discovery.