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The narcissistic matriarch

Community Member
My kind, sweet, gentle mother in law has shown her true colours and slipped up by documenting her hatred for me. I am losing my family, my job (i work for her) my home, my confidence, my strength, my faith. She has broken me. I am in the process of seeking help and guidance but I am struggling to keep it together
4 Replies 4

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hello melissam, how are you losing your family over her?  Personally, i don't think working for family is a good idea. My brother went to work for his brother-in-law's business, the whole thing went bust and he wasn't paid for months. It caused a rift in the family and resentment for years.

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Melissam, welcome

I'm guessing she is a controlling type of person. Working for these sort is risky. If she is indeed narcissistic she might be the sort of person Dr Christine Lawson described in her book "Walking on egg shells". If you google "witch,hermit,waif,queen" you'll see what I mean.

I've had a roller coaster life with a narcissistic mother. She tried and was partially successful in ruining my first wedding. She was constantly using triangulation with family members whereby she'd fall out with me for example and could remove all other family members from my life through control. She'd be jealous of her grandchildren at xmas time for getting laptop computers even though she couldn't use one. She'd claim illnesses like heart attacks, blindness etc for attention. In fact eventually these claims of illnesses were the end for me and my sister to her.

In the end if this person doesn't seek help then you are in a no win situation. Cut your losses and move on. I know how hard that will be. My mother was all 4 characters mentioned above. She ruined families. But in the end tyrants don't win in the long term. Now my mother is 83yo and she will never see my sister and I again, nor some grandchildren (their own choice not influenced by us). We have disconnected by choice for survival. There is also evidence out there that these people can cause mental illness to their children. My sister and I have several mental illness issues.

Hope that helps.    Tony WK

Tony WK

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Its not an easy thing to accept or for me believe that someone could knowingly want to hurt another person. I am struggling with this on all levels and while I know others do not understand, I hope they never have to. Its a terrible thing to experience and as much as I dont want it to, I think this will leave many scars for me. Im truly grateful you shared your thoughts and story so honestly

Community Member
Thankfully you havent experienced this betrayal