My wife is the sweetest person I have ever met in my life. She's always making sure that I am well fed, offers me shoulder massages whenever I'm tired and is supportive no matter what I am going through.
...until something triggers an "episode". Rage builds up inside her quickly, clouding her perception so that everyone and everything (myself, friends, luck etc.) is conspiring against her. One wrong word or one tiny setback is "proof" that the world is against her, creating more rage, more perception clouding, more things perceived as "proof". A nasty vicious cycle.
The rage can be so extreme that she screams at the top of her lungs in public places - in a restaurant and at an opera theater were two of the worst. One time, the rage didn't end until she exhausted herself from uncontrollable thrashing. Another time, I had to physically restrain her fearing that she was about to attempt murder.
I've identified some of the triggers and minimise her exposure to them, but I can't keep her in a bubble all the time. Usually, it's something minor during the day (disagreement with a colleague, delayed bus etc) that sets her off.
I've been with her for seven years and I'm committed to helping her with these issues for as long as I am able to. Indeed, I've been teaching her the anger management skills that I use, and her episodes have become less frequent and less severe which gives me hope that the condition can be managed.
Despite this, she does not believe on psychology and believes that counseling is a rort. She is also in denial that her anger issues are any worse than an average person's. Typically, as soon as I bring up the topic, her perception changes and she'll say that it's all my fault for being uncaring and calculative and that I'm fabricating her anger issues as a way of manipulating her.
I've had to walk on eggshells for five of the last seven days... and I was already feeling overwhelmed by day 2. Right now, frazzled is probably the best word to describe how I feel. I think that my brain has suppressed some very nasty emotions that may bubble to the surface unexpectedly. Something inside me is telling me that our marriage has reached a make or break point.
I guess I'm here today probably because I want to vent - and perhaps see if somebody has an understanding of what's going on. I suspect borderline personality disorder, but of course I'm not qualified to make a proper diagnosis. Just writing it all down has already made me feel better though.
