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The In-Laws not very welcoming

Community Member

I have been with my partner for over 2 years now. I am 19, he is 21. We don’t live together but we either both stay at mine (I live with my dad) or we stay at his (his grandma’s house, she has recently gone into care) every night. We both work full time, I cook tea for him every night and clean both houses. We are saving up to buy a house together so it’s not just a short term thing. I have never really clicked with his family, I have always been polite and tried to get along with them but they have never gone out of there way to make me feel welcome. His parents live about 30 min drive away so we see them regularly. They go on at least 1-2 family holidays per year and they userly include another family going with them but I never get the invite. I thought this year seeings we had been together over 2 years I may have been invited but I didn’t. My partner asked if I could go as there was a spare bed but the answer was no. He only has younger brothers and none of them have girlfriends as well as the other family none of the them have partners either. but my boyfriend was making excuses for his parents not inviting me. How long do we have to be together before I am finally accepted?

His mother still baby’s him, she has full access to his finances, emails ect. She will tell him “your pay slip still has not came through yet” or “your pay is late this week”. Or a few weeks ago “you only have $100 left in your account because I paid your power bill out of your account for you”. I have tried to talk to him about telling his Mum to take a step back and that your an adult now and that she can’t just do things like that without telling you but he just gets mad and tells me to leave it alone.

What should I do? I’m lost.

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi ladybird, welcome

She is a very controlling person of a man, yes man! Of 21yo. It isnt your fault it seems. He is her little boy and you are her rival.

I'd suggest you re-evaluate your relationship because a/ he cant/wont stand up to her because he is scared of her b/ she wants him all to herself and c/ you are unlikely to change things.

The decision is yours. You are entitled to a relationship of your choice, with a man that you want to build a life with. Yet, he can decide to control his own finances. He can control his holidays by not going on them because you arent welcome and so on.

I'm concerned about your future if he cant stand up to his rights at your expence.

He should tell you of any actions he plans for your future as a couple. Otherwise you arent really a couple.

Tony WK

Hello to my knight in shinning armour. Thank you so much for this advice. Definitely giving me something to think about.