The floodgate of resentment

[Chatz]

My boyfriend and I, both primary Carers of two children, live separately about three streets away. Right now I’m feeling so angry trying to holdback the floodgates of resentment. I know he’s entered into a new level of unstableness and I know it needs intervention but I’m so exhausted at the moment I can’t think right I need to come vent here so I can get some space back in my head. All bought about because he’s made the most progress in a long time, self sabotage will work it’s charm.
My partner has an excuse for everything! He needs help constantly! He can’t cope at the slightest thing till there isn’t any option and either his mother, I or someone else sort things. We’ve had ‘the talk’ over and over so to avoid actually doing anything he tells what we need to hear, then without actually doing anything everything is all hopeless again! I know the fog is thick, and the simple act of getting referred to a psych by his GP and actually attending, or doing any other beneficial thing for that matter has miles between them. Forget about makeing the appointment for him as the excuses why he couldn’t attend when organised would come thick and fast, I would be talked over and down. sorry for trying, your right if you did something for yourself we wouldn’t be able to go over the same issue next week. My mistake.
We get through quite well usually as I’m down for just chilling and spending our time together on things we like to do. But he can’t come back and do life which means I either have to sort for him or sort the mess and it’s draining me emotionally and financially. He’s always needing something and life is hopeless if he doesn’t get it.
I resent the way he can bitch and moan to me about the impending doom and in the next breath speak with a happy voice over the phone to someone . I resent how he sits and waits for answers when he used to be the one with the vision and motivate me. I resent being told I wouldn’t know what it’s like. I resent being made to feel resentment.
I’m sure I’ve gone way over my space limit and I’ve only touched the surface but my heart and head ate a little lighter.
I really hope not to offend anyone, and sorry if i broke any rules. I couldn’t let those feelings fester, I’m going to have a little cry and get a plan.
Don’t do anything silly babe, I got this sorted, I’ll figure something out. 💕

[smallwolf]

Chatz,

Your post reminds me a little of a chat I had with my mum yesterday. My dad has had depression for some time. And things have gotten worse recently, with mum becoming a carer, sort of. And she gets frustrated sometimes as well.

While I did not mention the next part to her, there are resources for partners on the beyond blue website that maybe helpful.

And as backwards as this might sound, getting help for ourselves is better. It shows your partner that getting help is ok. And you also get to talk through your issues and find some solution?and that solution might present itself when you write here. Getting help for someone else or making changes in another is difficult, so we have to work on ourselves.

I am also guessing you have had the chat with him about the effect this is having on you, how frustrated it makes you.

And I guess that like mum you hold it in, and came here to let it out.

You are a kind and good person. And you are not alone.

Tim

[quirkywords]

Chatz, welcome to the forum.

You can see how friendly this community is by the understanding and helpful reply of Tim's.

As Tim said you need to look after yourself and your children.

Sometimes when you are unstable you may not have any insights into how your behaviour affects others and indeed no insight into how exhausting just being around you can be.

I am sure you know this already. That is why you have written about the floodgate of resentment.

What do you think about what Tim has suggested?

Quirky

[geoff]

Hello Chatz, thanks for being on the site and with your comment it sounds as though your boyfriend is causing you to make all of the decisions because he's not stable, and by saying 'it needs intervention', I tend to agree with you.

By this do you mean whether it's being primary carer for the children or by having a relationship with you?

He is pretending to other people that everything is good but with you, it's a different story and confusing the situation for you.

Interested to hear back from you.

Geoff.