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The dilemma thread. Things you cant work out

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

This thread is designed for members to obtain different answers to their dilemmas. So by getting several opinions we might just sort it out easier.

I'll kick off my dilemma now-

A good friend I have gets distracted easily when anyone talks to her. Obviously I feel her distraction is at alarming levels to a point that it effects our communication.

Up front I'll say that if I'm distracted while talking I lose track of my point of conversation and if she doesnt remember (due to being distracted) then the chat has gone for good. That's a risk that I'm aware of so I try to keep my talking short for that reason.

Recently my wife joined this friend and her husband outside a cafe. This cafe had a house about 100 metres away where her husband had walked passed a few days earlier and his dog (and him) were chased by the dog from that house. Council attended and action followed. I was chatting to our friend about vacuum cleaners of all topics and a lady walking a small dog walked past that house and my friend's attention focussed on that fact to the point whereby I knew she wasnt absorbing my words. This continued for about 15 seconds when I abandoned talking and waited. She remained focussed and no alarmed I stopped talking.

About 45 seconds later she stopped focussing on the lady and the dog and turned her attention to my wife and her own husband eg didnt return her focus to me so I could continue about vacuums. This irritated me and as usual I was tempted to let it go. Frankly I'm tired of it. It's as if her interest was zero.

So I asked her, if she wanted to listen to my chat about the vacuums and she replied "were we talking about vacuums"?. I told her not to worry about it. She then remembered and said she "was worried about the safety of the little dog as that attacking dog as it might come out and attack it". My reply was- that, "unless you are going to warn the owner of the dog, worrying about it isnt going to resolve anything and it might be better to continue our conversation rather than remove all focus from what I was talking about." She went on that it was normal to be concerned and normal to be distracted. My side was that it is ok to be distracted but not to the point whereby your attention is so removed that the other person is left dangling ...talking to no one.

I dont have this situation with anyone else. It's not a serious issue but is annoying and a dilemma I'm irritated about.

What do you think?

TonyWK

1 Reply 1

someinput
Community Member
It's good you don't have this problem with others. All people are not compatible. Some are partly compatible. Choose wisely when you speak with this friend and I agree 'keep your conversation short'. She may think you are avoiding speaking to her, and that is correct, she is not compatible to your conversations - it could be the tone of your voice, or your type of conversation, anything really. Look for those who are. Accept that there a differences between the two. Hope it helps. Cheers.