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Surviving a narcissist

Pammyk
Community Member

I have been two years free of a toxic relationship. Just starting this post had made me feel light headed. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for over thirty years and blame this for my choice of partners. I think it started with how dad always broke my mums heart (never physical) then my son bullying me until he left. Then the icing on the cake after my son left I fell in love with the same sort of person. I feel like I am attracted to this type of person and am too scared to become involved with anyone.

Thank goodness for my dog and my job. When I am not at work I feel sad most of the time but only cry at happy things or sad things that I hear about. Never for myself. N

3 Replies 3

Mark_D
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Dear Pammyk~

Welcome to the forum, and thank you for heaping Buster11, a pretty good way to start here. What you said is so true, the overwhelming love you feel at the start carries you along and blinds you. By the time you realize how bad things are it is terribly hard to separate.

You may well be right that the people in your earlier life did accustom you to their type and made it easier to fall into a trap. The fact you now can watch for the signs makes a huge difference. To break off that relationship took courage, strength and practicality. It makes you an example that can give others hope.

I'm sorry you feel sad and also that you have not yet formed confidence in your judgment, perhaps in time this will change. Having a dog and a job are two major things and make a huge different to life. My pets rule the roost and are spoiled rotten. My work occupies me and at times keeps me going.

May I ask if you have treatment for your anxiety and depression? The reason I ask is mine simply did not improve until I did, and it has made a big difference.

I do hope you return and post more

 

PamelaR
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Pammyk and welcome to Beyond Blue forums

There’s not much I can add to Mark D’s response Pammy. Managing your depression and anxiety in collaboration with a doctor and a health professional (e.g. psych) is a good way to go. I too you manage mine well with their help.

I grew up in a narcissistic household and went on to a first marriage that was ruled by one. Then after the marriage ended, ever relationship I had was someone with these tendencies. As Mark said it is something you grew up with and think is normal. Thankfully I met some people who didn’t think this type of behaviour was healthy. It got me thinking and I began to make a list of the qualities I wanted from a person I could share my life with. From that point on I began to review each person I met against this list. I never looked back. Met the most beautiful man - we’ve been together now 37 years.

We’ve both helped one another with our anxieties and depression. So life can be good after a narcissistic relationship.

As Mark suggested please let us know how you are, if an when you like. No pressure.

Kind regards

PamelaR

Pammyk
Community Member

Hi Mark_D

Its been a long time since my post and I am ready to get some councelling as I can't seem to move on completely from the years that I spent with my abuser. I thought that by going home to my family and friends would be the wonder cure and to some extent it has helped but I still find that I wake up with the feeling that I need to cry as if its by habit. I ended up in hospital last night with what I thought was a heart attack but checked out ok. I think it was anxiety. The simple trigger was that I had to leave my dog at some kennels because I went away for the night. There was thunder that night and I was so worried for her that I made myself physically sick!

Anxiety is so debilitating and I know that I cant fix it by myself. Its time to reclaim myself. I want to be beautiful again. I AM VISIBLE!!

Thank goodness for my dear best friend who knows what Im going through and has made me realize that going to a councellor doesnt mean Im crazy or following a trend, it just means I need a helping hand.

Im off to my GP this week for a referall