Struggling with a good friend

[icecreamspider]

I seem to have an issue with friends where when i get close enough to them i start to find myself unable to stand them. I start to get uncomfortable around them and regret doing anything with them. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t want to hate these friends because they’re great but right now i just can’t stand being around them. Every time this happens i either leave whatever chat i’m in to distance myself and stop messaging them for a little while, or the friendship will end altogether. This time around i left the chat but after a week the friend seemed upset and told their mum who told mine who talked to me, so i rejoined the group, and am now unable to leave again for fear of upsetting them. I don’t want to hate this person, i get along with them great usually, but now i’m really uncomfortable around them and i’ve even had multiple nightmares centered around them. I don’t know what to do. Can anyone help me? 😞

[white knight]

Hi ICS, welcome

Arghh, yes, the old "familiarity breeds contempt" syndrome. I dont think you are alone in experiencing this at all.

Ever wondered why the divorce rate is around 40% or more? People can marry quickly then they find out who their real partner is and they want out.

So how do we cope with this? Missy Higgins the singer once said "I treat my friendships like fluid" She was saying that depending on her feelings about people they were sometimes popular with her and other times she felt less attracted to their company. So she would sense if she wanted to spend time with them or not and while with them make decisions like when to terminate a conversation and go home.

That leads me to you. You might have to weigh up how you want to control your life and ensuring you do actually control your life is a very important step forward into adulthood. There is ramifications if you allow these things to dwell on you. People can sense your change of heart and cause issues etc.

So not only is it desirable to control your life with friends and even family, but to do so without over reacting is essential eg when you left the group there was reaction and so on. So if you find a group or a friend a bit demanding or just uncomfortable rather than leave the group just take a break. This is common with friends because everyone usually has an annoying characteristic. By being fluid you see less of some and more of others and make new friends helps to inject vigour in this process. 

So, less reaction, distance yourself when needed, make new friends at every opportunity and the more the compatibility the less you'll feel uncomfortable.

Hope this helps. Thankyou

TonyWK