Struggle from day to day after break up
I have recently gone through a break up (almost 8 weeks) which may seem like Mental abuse as we have split a couple of times & got back etc. I got used to this behaviour and I allowed it. My friends would see & say I was getting abused mentally.
i seem to only think of the good times and avoid the bad thoughts, I like that about me in normal circumstances.
i get anxious leading up to the weekend As I know I will possibly get bored of my own company, u see I have somehow maybe become co-dependant
My ex suffered from what I believe PTSD, took meds for anxiety and depression (though recently would say I never had depression only anxiety-this was a shock to hear) I would do anything to help, but I got blamed for things I did not even feel I did-unfortunately at times I would go quiet as she would treat me horribly, I even voiced that I would not accept the behaviour any more 😞 though this pushed her away. I always put others first and I thought that was a nice trait to have.
I see her and she seems to be happy and I think to myself how this could be possible
It’s like I am addicted to the pain, I find the relationship was what I’m addicted to so I struggle to move on. I still feel I love her though I know it’s not good for me. I tried all in my power to get us to counselling but she always avoided it! Last year we did 3 sessions and it worked well but our counsellor went on a break and we never re-booked.
Don’t even know why I’m writing this?
i struggle to get out of bed (my couch) it’s almost mid day & I just want to try & get used to my own space. I want to leave the house to go for a walk all the time, try and catch up with ppl though ppl are busy doing whatever it is they do, you know with family etc.
I don’t know if that is normal so early in a split? Yesterday I cried a lot.
Last night a friend came walking & at first I was a mess, to the point he wanted us to go to a hospital. He has depression and has it all under control with his dr. though after crying getting it out we walked for 2 hours and I was happy again.
i wish God would speed things up for me.
i try mindfulness,meditation but recently have stopped. I really want my life to be normal again (what’s normal right)
I posted considering I’m on my couch still. Is this bad that I’m still on the couch or can I hav a day or maybe a few like this? This week was a tough one and I did find it hard every morning to get up.i hope I have not bored anyone. Thanks for listening/reading.
Thanks so much ...you are awesome too !!! dont forget that
and trust me ...its clearly our exes' loss that they don't know how to treasure us...lol
As long as in our hearts we know we did our best to our abilities given all the situations ...and thats all we can do really.
have a good sleep tonight ..and tomorrow will be a new day for new things.