Your words about your sons really hit home for me. I also went through a period of immense struggle --- pain...... related to my own sons.
Years went on and found that when my sons had even a little issue ide go into this ......I think you would say ide become this animal like I was primal trying to protect them.
There was reasons, I mean my youngest son had cancer for years.
But I realised - It was a compulsion to try and fix everything, to smooth the path, to give them things to make up for the pain. To for me, it was exhausting, and it was coming from my place - it was my fear of when I was abandoned as a little baby.
I later came to understand why. For me, it was connected to my own childhood where I didn't always feel protected. So, when my kids were in pain, my own old wounds and fears got triggered.
What helped me find my feet in the gound was the work of a neurosurgeon named Dr. James R. Doty.
He explains how the brain responds to stress and trauma. When we are facing threat after threat—and your list is full of them—our brain's alarm system goes into overdrive and stays there. It can't distinguish between all the different worries; it just knows it's under siege. This is why you feel "out of control"—your nervous system is completely overloaded.
In my case, I was always feeling I was drowning.
The most powerful thing I learned from him was the idea of self-compassion. When you are being pulled in a dozen different directions and feel responsible for everyone's well-being, it sounds selfish to think of yourself. But it's the opposite. It’s like the airplane oxygen mask: you have to put yours on first.
Right now, your inner resources are being drained by worry for everyone else. Dr. Doty's work suggests that turning just a little of that care and concern inward can begin to calm that overactive alarm system. It's not about fixing everything at once—that's impossible. It's about taking a moment to acknowledge the immense burden you are carrying and giving yourself the kindness and permission to just breathe.
Learning to soothe my own inner turmoil was the only way I could find the calm and strength to truly support my sons and let them walk their own paths.
These are all early stages for me.
It didn't solve their problems, but it changed how I was able to show up for them, and for myself.
You have incredible awareness to even be able to list all these things out. Please be gentle with
