Stressed about having baby no.2

[Tata.M]

Hi... 

• Am not sure if am over reacting but am having sleepless nights about it. I have a baby under 2 years and expecting baby number 2 this summer.  The problem is that I feel overwhelmed and scared of the loneliness experienced with my first child.  I asked my mum to travel from overseas to help and she was happy to take leave from work and help me for 4 months. My husband has completely refused for her to come live with us and all he says is we can do it without external help.  I have expressed often to the point of breaking down that I can't and I don't want to go through what I went through before.  He doesn't seem to understand my position and I feel helpless. We both have no family in Australia hence I don't expect any support.  How do I deal with this. My 2nd baby will be here in less than two months.  

[Croix]

Dear Tata.M~

Welcome here to the forum, I'm glad you came.

First off I'd have to say the obvious, your husband is not having the baby - you are. So talk of "we can do it without  external help" is so much rubbish. There is no "we".

In an ideal world a husband's job is to cherish their wife, and ensure she is happy and has everything she needs in the way of support.  Having a baby is a huge event and do so when isolated is very hard indeed, particularly as you have a young one to look after at the same time

He simply has no business deciding on your behalf what is going to happen.

I guess what can happen depends a lot on your relationship with your husband and if you are in a position to tell him that his views are wrong and that he will have to change them. If you can't do that then maybe there  are ways around this

Ideally you might go to couples counseling , if your husband was willing to go with you (maybe he might). I'd suggest Relationships Australia - 1300 364 277 as a reasonable alternative.

The idea of your mother coming out sounds an excellent one, and while living with you could be ideal, having her temporarily living nearby (if she can afford it) may be the next best thing. Close enough to be wiht you when needed, wihtout causing a complete breakdown of the marriage.

I would imagine you are financially or visa  dependent on your husband (sing out if I'm wrong) and a complete breakdown is not to be contemplated.

So first can I ask what your mother says about all this and what is she wiling the do?

The second thing may come as a surprise, however as someone listening to your words it strikes me that  you are undergoing a form of abuse and control - something that is unacceptable. I'd suggest ringing 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) to get an idea of what shuld be happening and how common your situation is. Just ringing them does not mean you have to do anything, but it might give you perspective.

Please remeber you can write here or ring our counselors on our 24/7 Help Line (1300 22 4636) anytime

Croix