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Stay or go...help!!

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I've been in a relationship for 10 years, i have a good job, house, car, dog etc. For the last year or so our relationship has been pretty strained, i wanted to get married and start a family but she was always waiting for the right time. This has been discussed a number of times over the last few years but nothing ever happened. In the last year or so we've rarely been intimate and life has just passed us by. A few months ago i met someone that changed my life, i felt that they were my soul mate and just the most perfect person. We had so much fun together but things have become tough over the last few weeks as she has cooled things off as she doesn't want to be the person that makes me leave my current relationship-she says i need to do it for me and not her (she is single having come out of a long term relationship). I know she is right as who is to say a new relationship would work and she says that she doesn't want the guilt of being the reason i left if things don't work out with us. Now she has taken a back seat with us i feel completely lost and in limbo, do i stay in my current relationship completely unsure or do i end it losing everything with the possibility of the other person not committed.

I've spoken to my current partner about our issues (not meeting the other person) and she has been really nice and said that she wants to do the things i want and now realises she was being selfish in delaying (her words). The problem is i have this nagging feeling that it may be too late and whilst i love and care for i just don't know what to do.

I constantly have this sick feeling in my stomach all day everyday not knowing what to do, it's affecting me at work and mentally. I've also been worried that i'll lose the other person as she won't wait around for me and therefore i think i causing her stress as i message her a lot or get funny when i don't hear from her.

My partner doesn't earn anywhere near my salary and i guess that i'm worried and feel guilty she won't be able to manage on her own which also causes me stress. I ultimately don't want to hurt anyone and don't want to feel like this anymore but i just don't know whether i stick it out or make the gamble. I'm at a time in my life where I'm not getting any younger and there are so many fears i'm facing.

Any help, advice or similar experiences would be much appreciated.

1 Reply 1

Summer Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Canberraman

Welcome to the bb forums and thank you for sharing your story. You're in a tough spot and I can truly appreciate how the decision you need to make is eating you up.

I understand that you feel pressure to quickly make a decision but here's the rub: none of us make good decisions when we're feeling unwell.

I'd like to suggest that you visit your GP and talk about the symptoms you are experiencing. It may even help to speak with a counsellor or psychologist about how to make this decision so that you can confidently move forward without doubt or regret.

Take the time to put yourself in the best health and position to make a decision and I believe you will achieve a better outcome.

No one can make the decision for you. I believe that at this point, as much as you care about both of the women involved, your mental health needs to come first.

Kind thoughts to you