Son & his family want to stay with us until he finds another house. Worried about how to deal with this given our situation.
As discussed on other threads I have been struggling with anxiety, depression & exhaustion while caring for my husband who is blind & has a chronic illness which has led to frequent episodes of illness. In desperation I rang for help last week & arranged for a carer to assist so I could go away for a couple of days on a family camp over Easter. Unfortunately I developed a stomach bug so haven't been well since coming home on Sunday so fatigue is still a major problem. My husband has gone away for 5 nights with MDA & I promised I would try to rest & recover while he is away.
Today my son rang to say they had to move out of their house on Friday & have nowhere to live so can they stay with us. We downsized a few years ago due to my husband's condition so there is little room for 2 adults & a 2yr old & 11mth old. I feel like I'm in a no win situation. If I say no they have nowhere to live so I'm a terrible parent. My son also has a history of depression & has only recently started work again after a long period of being too unwell to work & being suicidal. If I agree to have them I can't rely on them to stick to any agreements. DIL is good at promising but never follows through. I find her very stressful. She yells at her son frequently which I find upsetting. They are both very messy & I would find it hard to prepare meals due to her mess. Having them here will also make it impossible to keep the house in a suitable state to ensure my husband's safety given his blindness. Tiredness tends to lead to my husband becoming ill putting extra pressure on me. I don't know what to do.
Sorry you haven't been feeling well and missed out on your Easter family camp. I hope you still can get a bit of much needed R & R.
I agree with Pipsy. Having another family under your roof is the very last thing you need at the moment. Having to look after yourself and your husband in already difficult circumstances has nothing to do with being a "terrible parent". You seem aware that nothing good could come out of this situation. You know your resources have been stretched to the limit as it is. Going beyond would put everyone concerned in the danger zone. This could well be the proverbial straw...
Sometimes, we all have to say no to our children. Depending on the situation, it is part and parcel of wise parenting and also of salvaging our own sanity. You are already doing a stressful carer's job and don't have the space to take on another family. Your son should understand the logistics of your situation and accept the fact that there's just so much you can ask of people.
I wish you all the best. My thoughts are with you.
Elizabeth I am confused... at what point did you say yes? Did you DIL just ring up and saying thank you for letting us stay when she knew full well that you hadn't actually said yes yet? If so that is infuriating and selfish.
And as for your eldest son... what business is any of this of his?
It is still possible for you to say no.
What does your husband think about all this?
I do agree with Jess. What right does DIL have to make that assumption, or your son if he told her it was OK. Elizabeth, I do worry what will happen if your son and family move in.
If you really feel you have no option, at least mitigate this by making them hire a caravan. You can insist they stay in it and only come into your home when they are invited. It makes me so cross when someone just assumes they have the right to mess up the lives of other people.
I would expect your older son would have said he would tell them they could not stay with you but maybe he was afraid he would have to house them.
Look, the babies are going to cry, that's what babies do. Your husband is going to be made more unwell by the tension and confusion in the house. Please, pluck up your courage and tell them no. On second thoughts I believe even the caravan solution would not work.
We are all holding your hand here. I know it will be difficult by please say no. And if you really feel you cannot say yes, then charge them a proper rent and insist it is paid every week.
Oh my word, I am getting almost as anxious as you. Can you say no just to relieve my feelings? lol.