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Someone to talk to - marriage infidelity

Community Member
I’ve been marriage for many, many years. My husband cheated more than a decade ago and I’m not dealing with it. It was long term over a few years. I thought it was an affair. It was a relationship. I know that now. He did not tell me everything up until a few weeks ago. We’ve done the counselling, together, alone. We’ve even had another child after the fact. I’ve since learned more truths that he had hidden about the same instance. The circle of people that knew what he was doing has widened. I hate that. The humiliation is hurting so much. He has made all the right actions to turn this around. Until this when I ask him about the new stuff I didn’t know. He’s angry that I can’t take the new truth and try and move on with him. He thought I had moved on. I thought I had too, somewhat. I’ve not forgotten, but I thought I’d forgiven. I don’t think I can. I don’t want to leave, we have kids and a good life. And I do love him but not like I used to. I just want to live. I want to be happy, but I don’t know how, because I’m so sad. I see a counsellor now on my own and it feels like it’s brought everything back to the surface. I need to enjoy my kids and I need to smile and laugh and feel alive. But I feel so dead and unloved and so so sad. I just want someone to talk to, openly, without judgement, without solutions because everyone is different and I don’t even know where to start anymore. I enjoy my kids, they are amazing, I need to be happy in this relationship with them because I feel it’s healthier as they have no clue about any of this.
1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion
Hi, welcome

It will be difficult for some to offer support without opinion or solution so, please try to tolerate that in members replies as that is quite normal.

I hear your inner struggle. Forgiveness or flight? But you both have childten and this thorn in your side has lasted too long (no fault of yours).

Your reactions are normal for you. You are dedicated and monogamous. No wonder you are hurting.

Humans are not perfect however. We make errors of judgement when urges, wonder and doubt enters our minds. Some of us can resist, some cannot. When we humans make such errors, what can we do to make amends? Such errors in humans is also "normal".

Here we often talk about acceptance of our mental illness. It is healthy to accept faults but also to draw a line on how far we go before a fault is unacceptable. Then it's a care of how many of those unacceptable acts are forgiven.

Forgiveness is an amazing gift, you have it. To complete that forgiveness as a quality it should be sealed and delivered to your husband.

He loves you. Your children deserve both of you as a unit.

That's my message and I wish you all the best.