So angry

[Purple4]

I am so angry and confused.

A few hours ago my 22yr old daughter called be upset and confided that she has been having a sexual relationship with her therapist.

I told her that her therapist has betrayed her trust and that she needs to report him. She thinks she is in love with him.

I asked her to call beyond blue for and unbiased point of view. She just finished telling me that the beyond blue person she spoke to said that this was ok as it is mutual.

Seriously is this true?

I am furious, angry, sad, hell I feel so helpless right now

[Aaronsis]

Hey Purple4

Right back at you, HUGE HUGS FOR YOU, you are so wonderful to dedicate the past few days to being here to talk and to get some support and some feedback for your baby..what a mother and what a woman.

More for your daughter:

Hi Purple4's daughter again, sorry to seem to keep pushing you here, I wanted to mention a few more things to you so I really hope you are here reading and I hope that you can see that we are on your team and that we are batting for your happiness and wellbeing here. I was just wondering if you could do something and just sit somewhere quiet and just take a moment to ask yourself wholly and honestly"what would I say to my daughter if I was a mother in this situation?". If you can imagine the things that you would say and how you think you would feel. The reason for doing this is to 1. help you to understand what you may need from your mother at this time, how you want her to help you. 2. Take a different view point on this to see how you would react if your daughter, who you love more that life itself comes to you heartbroken and devastated, but due to reasons of a person's bad behavior, through no fault of her own. What would you want to do and what would you want to tell her?

Hugs to you both

Sarah xx

[Purple4]

My apologies rt for not mentioning you. Thankyou so much. You worded things beautifully. I sincerely appreciate your posts.

[Purple4]

Sarah that is something we discussed today. I have asked my daughter to look at things differently. Ive said imagine your friend was telling you this and other role reversal scenarios.

Every day is a new opportunity for her to look at this situation differently. Thanks to everyone here she has so many people sharing ideas and views and of course support. This gives me so much peace.

[Periwinkle2]

Hello everybody.

take a guess? I’m the daughter.

firstly I’d like to thank everyone for their time to help mum out on this thread. Means a lot to the both of us.

just want to clear up a few things..

1) This person is NO LONGER my therapist, we were never intimate during sessions. We stopped therapy then began seeing each other outside. I have eye witnesses to prove this (I live with my best friend and she has seen and knows everything about my relationship with this man.)

2) I have not been abused by this man.
I perused this man as I’ve had feelings for him for quite some time. He reciprocated as he feels like he has a connection with me and he wanted to get to know me more. He felt like I was worth the risk of getting to know, he wanted to be apart of my life and “rescue” me from all of my problems. He wanted to keep me safe and save me from the world.

when I’m with this man I feel like I’m at home, I feel safe, I feel content. My heart flutters and I am so smitten over this man I feel like a little kid with a crush!

He is very scared and anxious regarding the situation but I’m the one that’s stubborn and keep pushing him to continue the relationship. He’s afraid of what I’ll do if he stops the relationship I believe.

He has done so much for me and healed me like you wouldn’t believe, this time last year I was in the hospital and I wouldn’t of been able to drag myself out of the suicidal headspace without this man. He keeps me sane, he keeps me well. He keeps me happy! He is my #1 support and the person I trust the most in this world, if anything were to happen to him I would honestly fall the hell apart.

I just want everyone to let me make my own decisions! Yes I know this in unethical. To me it’s like a “forbidden” love, two people that can just never be together but want nothing more. We just met in an unfortunate way.

I will do anything for this person and I will not let anyone hurt him. That simply has to be understood. I am 22 years old, not 7!

let me live, let me learn and let me love!!

many thanks x

[Purple4]

Thankyou so much for joining sweetheart.

As I said to you privately reading this paints a pretty picture, not the one I see. I will disagree on point one as we will agree to disagree on that one.

One thing you didn't make clear was what sort of relationship this is. You have told me that you know it will end in heartbreak for you. This man was not only your therapist but he is double your age.

I will back off now so you can chat to others.

Love you x

I am so pleased you are here to express yourself and be heard. I cannot give you the support you want regarding this man as you know how badly I want him out of your life.

[Aaronsis]

Welcome Periwinkle2

I want to say how wonderful it is that you have come to talk about this, it takes courage to do this. I can honestly say I have never been apart of a thread where both parties who are needing support are here together, that is so wonderful as we can all try to support you both.

You may not like some of what I am going to say but please know this is coming from a place of care, I am in NO WAY meaning to judge or offend, as you said, and very rightly you are 22, you are not 7, you are entitled to love, to live your life and to be in a relationship with whom you choose. It is also your mothers right as a parent to advise, to love and to protect and no matter if you are 2, 22 or 62, you will always be her child.

You said "He has done so much for me and healed me like you wouldn’t believe"..nope..you did that Periwinkle2, he is no magician and he may of provided support and guidance, as would any therapist, but he did not heal you, you did that. You also said "this time last year I was in the hospital and I wouldn’t of been able to drag myself out of the suicidal headspace without this man." You dragged yourself out of your bed, you took on board the support of your therapist, your family and your strength, you dragged yourself out of bed, you grew stronger. YOU DID THIS.

I am worried about what you said about "He is very scared and anxious regarding the situation but I’m the one that’s stubborn and keep pushing him to continue the relationship. He’s afraid of what I’ll do if he stops the relationship I believe." I want to ensure he is not with you out of fear, fear you will end up back in hospital and it will be his fault so he stays, he tries to walk away and you keep pushing and he has guilt to stay, this is not love. No one is responsible for another's life, he should know that if he stops the relationship you are strong enough to maintain life, afterall he was your therapist and he "healed you". Please don't take that as sarcasm, my point is that if he really is that good he would know your mental health is stable and you could handle a break up. Is he with you for love or for fear of leaving, is he that frightened of what he has done, which is let you love him, that he is terrified as he knows the ethicals around it.

Enough for now, we are here for you. I want you to be happy but I want you to be respected.

I hope to chat to you some more.

I hope I have not offended you Periwinkle2, I just care so much.

Hugs
Sarah

[Purple4]

Thankyou Sarah. I'm so glad my daughter is here to chat to everyone. You have brought up many things that I didn't even think of and I am so greatful.

The more insite my daughter has the better equipt she is about making decisions.

one message I keep repeating is this- you do not need a man or to be in a relationship to feel whole and loved. That comes from within.

You are a beautiful soul Sarah for taking the time to help us xx

[Aaronsis]

Hi Purple4

Your daughter is so lucky to have you...the lengths you are going to for her is outstanding.

I want to ask her about her therapy and how she feels about this. Did she stop therapy due to the relationship with this man or because she felt she was well enough to cease the sessions? If it is the first I would like her to consider finding a therapist who can continue with her, to finish the work she was doing to get strong but to also help her through this relationship, the relationship with her family but also work through with her what it looks like when this relationship ceases. A therapist that can help her to prepare for what is potentially ahead and ensure her strength so she does not have to revisit times of old.
I was thinking too about asking her to take a small break from this man, to allow him to show her his true feelings and his intentions with the relationship. If he fights for her or takes the opportunity to run very fast in the other direction. This gives him the chance to show her his feelings.

just some thoughts.

huge hugs

Sarah

[Periwinkle2]

Hi Sarah,

thank you so much for your reply.

You have made me definitely think of something differently! I don’t want him to be with me because he’s scared. I’m not that person. That makes me feel really unwell.

I feel like I need to clarify a few things with him today. Which is going to be very hard but I guess it needs to be said.

1) if this does go all pear shaped are you just going to rid me out of your life or would you fight to keep me in it?

2) Are you with me because you are scared of what I’ll do? Not only to myself but to you.

I’ll figure it out and hopefully get some answers. You are right though, I do need to take a break to discover his true feelings! Breaking it off is the hard part..

hugs x

[White_Rose]

Dear Periwinkle2

Hello and welcome to the forum. It's great you have joined the conversation and I hope we are being helpful and constructive. Sarah's posts are right on the mark. You did the work yourself even though you had encouragement.

Let me tell you a little of my story. I found Purple4's posts such a trigger to thoughts and feelings I thought I had got over. No I was not in love with my therapist but I did depend on him and he fostered the dependence. He was a fraud but by the time this was discovered I had been going to him for three years. As we are supposed to do in therapy I told him personal 'stuff' about me and the thought that he then told this to his lawyer and the police, plus anyone else he felt like talking to just makes me cringe. He is still asserting I have a mental illness (I was depressed) to the extent that I had to get a letter from a psychiatrist saying I have no such mental illness. Who would believe him given his fraud but as they say, mud sticks.

I know this is a different situation to yours and I am not saying your psych has committed a criminal offence. He is accountable for his actions no matter when your romantic relationship started. It's hardly surprising he feels worried about getting into trouble. By definition, anyone who needs the help of a therapist is vulnerable. This is you. Before starting any kind of relationship he should have sent you to another therapist, had no contact with you for at least three months, then started to see you romantically if you and he were still interested..

I'm sorry if I sound harsh and dogmatic. It has taken me five years of hard work to heal to get to where I am at the moment and five minutes to go back to the start. I really get that you do not want anything to happen to this man. My fear is the same as others who have written here, that he may have abused others in the same way but got away with it. Also that he will cause you a great deal of grief in the future. You do not deserve this. Professional relationships with a therapist include trust and safety both components that are sadly lacking here.

I am worried for you. You are quite correct saying it's your decision but please think about the implications. Your mom loves you and wants the best for you. She is the best friend you have at the moment.

Mary