Should I be there or am I wasting my time, need some advice

[Taylah75]

I was in a 2yr relationship until 10 days ago.

In brief. He split from his marriage 3 months before we met me, his ex wife had affair with mate.

we both have kids & introduced them at the start they didn't get along and then they did. We didn't see each other much during week as I have son 12 out of 14 days and he has his one week on one week off. There was never any pressure on living with each other. We both accepted that could be something down the track when boys older. Two different kids etc. We had fun, good friendship, there for each other and on a physical level very well connected. We text and spoke every day. The last few months both had a bit going on. My friend was dying of cancer and I was there for her through her journey. Visited her in QLD. Etc and organised a wake for her in Melbourne. My boyfriend about 3 weeks ago purchased a property with large mortgage, had issues with his son and having issues with work meaning job on the line. He's been in his job only 10 weeks.

Since the purchase of his property I noticed changes which was only the past four weeks. He was becoming more angry towards me which wasn't like him to be so angry, he was putting me down about my job etc I said what is wrong with you. My head was spinning out of control. I said what is going on. He then said he can't deal with my son, doesn't want him around. I felt really hurt. He hadn't seen him for about two months.

after another chat with him on Friday just gone, Nothing was mentioned about My son. He said he hates Melbourne and people here, has done it again meaning he owns something that now owns him his mortgage. Issues with job, said initially he didn't want kids and is not enjoying having his son one week on and one week off due to son not listening or doing anything. His mum not helping or supporting him at all.

He likes control within his home

environment, doesn't like change, he is a home body and creature of habit. He gave me a hug when I left and wouldn't let me go. Sent text saying I love him and he text and said he feels like a monster.

he did say things that hurt me at the end but feel he's out of control of his life. He said he wants to be alone with no relationship and happy just him and his dog. I feel he's lashed out and not coping. Sent text Tuesday and said I do want to be there. He replied and said thanks your right I'm flat out. Just need advice if I be there or not. Is he depressed and lashed out? Do I be there

[pipsy]

Hi nice to hear from you. No doubt the present will be for the purpose of I need you, come back. The 'blocking' will be straight out temper tantrum because you haven't 'pandered'. It's your call whether to accept the present or whatever you decide. If you decide to keep it, I hope it's something nice. He's decided to send it as you won't play his game and go and collect it. Don't be too surprised if there's a card pleading with you to reconsider and informing you he's 'changed' and won't behave the same way anymore. Either that, or there will be a 'temper' message telling you to 'go away'.

Lynda

[Taylah75]

Hi,

initially I said well you can come to me. He agreed then later on I thought no he's still angry. He's never been violent but thought I don't know his head space. He seems really messed up or narc tendencies?

so that's when I sent the message saying it wouldn't benefit either of us right now. He replied with "I beg to differ, perhaps. I'll send your present via email and take care.

thats when I replied today you take care too I just feel at the moment you are extremely angry and I can't be around you when your this way. Said I was happy to talk to him when he is not like this

[pipsy]

Hi Taylah I realize it's hard on you. But you don't have to accept his anger issues, they are his and he has to accept responsibility for his emotions. Narc's as a rule seldom become violent, they get extremely abusive and will complain about how 'misunderstood' they are, but violence is not usually associated with narc's. He is going to display several different moods to try to entice you back. He will no doubt swing from anger to pleading, to sadness, even possible flirting to encourage jealousy from you. Because he needs the constant verification about his 'wonderful', kind nature, he will continue contacting you till he meets someone who will generously 'take over', then he will 'show you someone else does love him, more than you ever did'. He is angry but only because you won't 'play'.

Lynda

[Taylah75]

Yes that's the way I see it. Well for now I've told him it's not a good idea for either of us.

i think narc traits?? Everyone I've spoken too like me friends etc think not normal behaviours....

well ive told him I don't need to be around his extreme anger. He's been drinking more and more too and when things have been said he probably can't remember. I will get there

[pipsy]

Hi Taylah. You are going to have to block him to stop the constant contact hassles. He won't leave you alone as he is lonely and looking for the constant support you gave him. If he is drinking, he could become a real nuisance. Sometimes a clean break rather than continuing is better and more beneficial for all concerned. However, it's your call, only you know how you feel and what you want.

Lynda

[Taylah75]

Yes that's what I'm doing now. When he drinks more he tends not to message me anyway so that's a good thing.

i did go on a date the other night. Not wanting anything it was dinner and a drink which was relaxing. Just got me confident again

hows your BF going

[pipsy]

Taylah. That is fantastic news, congrats for getting on the 'scene' again. Things for me and bf 'ace'. Couldn't be better.

Lynda