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Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

Azzdog
Community Member

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.

I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.

My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

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where is everybody? why is this post dead?

Azzdog
Community Member

This month always provides its challenges. Hit with a big bout of depression today and it has carried all throughout the evening. Using some distractions but feeling the weight of the world today.

life sucks, there is nothing here to help me

I need help with this stuff. Why am I so unattractive? Why am I so ugly and unlovable? I have worked so hard on myself for the past decade. I used to be selectively mute around girls in high school so I have had to work to overcome that. I have missed so much social development because of that and that means I dont know what I am doing on dates or interacting with women at all.

 

I have spent thousands of dollars on dating coaches to help improve this aspect of my life. I have been ripped off by them too. I have worked to get two degrees in education, I write my own music, I have so many hobbies and interests. What do I have to do to show that I have value? 

 

I dont want people invalidating how I feel anymore or just telling me to "work on myself". I want people to just see this is unfair. Dating for men is damn hard because womens standards are through the roof and the reasons we get rejected are just so arbitrary.

 

I want to cry. I want to rip my heart and and just give it to someone. What am I doing wrong to deserve this lot in life?

I went on another date today and it barely lasted an hour.

 

I am doomed to die alone

Well I went on another date today. Initially I thought she had ghosted me but popped back in at the last minute.

It’s a familiar story. Nothing bad happened, good conversation, I was mindful of being expressive, we get to the end of the date (it only lasted one hour which I think is a red flag), and I thought it went well. However, I’m sick of getting to the end of the date where the other person is the arbiter of whether or not we go to a second date. I expressed that I would rather hear it now whether we got a second date or not because I don’t want to drive the 50 minutes home to find out she wasn’t interested. She ends up saying no.

This has happened a bit and I don’t know what I’m not picking up that they are. I thought it went well but clearly I’m missing something. This has really fueled the feelings of rejection again. I know it’s a case of being simply incompatible but I just want to know what I could do more to improve this area of my life.

Hi Azzdog,

 

I think I would suggest not asking the other person directly and suddenly whether they would like to meet again. I think it could help to give the other person time to reflect. I am not sure if this will work, but if I were in the other person's position that is what I would appreciate. I think you have more experience than I do in the subject.

 

From P12.

She was already going to say no, she was just beating around the bush. And why should the other person have that power over me? Why cant I say we go on another date? Why am I at the whims of what other people want to do? Do I get a say in anything?

I have been trying to date for a decade now, I can barely get on a date and when I do I never get past the first date. I am sick of it and I know I am going to die alone. I hate myself so much