Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

Azzdog · ‎10-07-2018

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.

I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.

My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

Azzdog · ‎25-04-2020

I’ve often wondered why my brain escalates so much when I’m dealing with intrusive thoughts.

I get so scared about trying to trust her. I made an observation recently that for the best part of six months (two thirds of our relationship) I haven’t completely trusted her. That started when she first told me that guy approached her. Ever since then I haven’t been able to sit comfortably knowing that she will be faithful and committed to me.

Ever since she told me she cheated on me that thought has escalated big time which causes me to panic like crazy. I have these meltdowns and bursts of panic that I’m being lied to again or she is talking to another man behind my back.

Intimacy has always been difficult for us and what made it difficult in the past that it was the be all and end all. While I appreciate she has moved on from that, the damage caused from that is painful and traumatic.

What can I do? I’m struggling so much and I’m so exhausted all the time. It’s so tough

smallwolf · ‎25-04-2020

This sounds like a new and perhaps unknown and confusing situation? If she were just friend and she spoke with another person how would you feel? If someone else was in a relationship and talking to you what does that mean? In my work at church, people I know from college, GP and other specialists are female and does not mean there an intimate relationship there. I think you know this.

But if I had been cheating, my wife could be like you and wonder about the possibilities of it happening again.

Time can heal the wound ...

it sounds like communication is open between both of you
know that you will be ok for both of you together
stay in the present moment

It also sounds like she has/had taken responsibility for what has happened.

If I were in your position, what would you tell me?

HamSolo01 · ‎17-05-2020

Hi small wolf and aaron

Thanks for your replies earlier.

I Forget what the issue was that was bugging me in the past. Picking off old scabs can Sometimes do more harm than good.

II do believe that the topic of past intimacy is an important part of relationships. One has to be honest and free of judgement. It's hard because our natural inclination is to avoid vulnerability when we don't want it.

But in all too human and all too imperfect world we find ourselves tossed about in a sea of uncertainty. What if the other person thinks I am inexperienced, what if they think I'm too experienced. Am I damaged goods. Am I capable of intimacy?

Such questions plague us.

I have been chatting to a girl through an app and we speak a lot lately. She mentioned her past bf of three years. About how she left her country and cam her which meant ending it. I mentioned the girl I met in Warsaw who I never saw again.

It strikes me that in a world of 7 billion our stories all cross over in some way. If I was cheated on I know what I would do. I can't pretend to say it's what everyone must do. It's just how I feel about it. I don't seek to tell people what to do.

Aaron, I think you need to make a choice. Find out first and do what you need to do. Then make a choice and stand by it.

A friend of mine recently tried tk block me for two days a week to avoid upsetting her bf. I said that if she did that then I cant be a friend. I said I would hate it but that's the choice I'd make. I couldn't be treated like that. We are still friends. She didn't see that guy anymore.

People are such strange characters and none of us know for certain. The only thing we can do is try.

I'm going to make a post on my feed tol

Azzdog · ‎16-08-2020

Hi everyone, I am sorry for the late response to you all.

So it is now officially over. The relationship is done.

At lot has happened over the past few months, I won't go into everything yet but suffice to say it has been a long journey to get here.

The idea of having a healthy sex life is still something that continues to allude me. Perhaps it will for the rest of my life. I am not sure.

I just don't know where to go from here

smallwolf · ‎16-08-2020

Hi Aaron. Sorry to read how things have turned out. I hope you will get to read this. I just wanted to acknowledge how far you have come since I first met you on this site. I can also imagine this would be a difficult time for you. Your journey continues. I am hopeful for you. You have come a long way.

Azzdog · ‎08-09-2020

I am really struggling a lot right now. Life is pretty unfair

smallwolf · ‎08-09-2020

What are you thinking about?

james1 · ‎10-09-2020

Hello Aaron,

I'm here for you also. Let us know if you'd like to talk

James

Azzdog · ‎17-09-2020

After all the therapy I've been through, hospital admissions I've been through, (I have even been through surgery in recent times to correct some problems I was having in the act of sex), I've been thinking. Is sex worth it? Really? I just can't get in a good place about it.

smallwolf · ‎17-09-2020

Hi Aaron,

tell me your thoughts on the question you posed.

the answer to your question depends very much on the person you are asking. some will say it is fundamental and others might have a different view. If someone said it was not worth it and you did have a different view what would that say. In a similar manner ... the relationship between intimacy and sex?

another thought is the how much of a relationship is bound up in sex.

for myself... let me get back to you.

Tim