Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

Azzdog · ‎10-07-2018

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.

I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.

My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

Azzdog · ‎20-07-2018

JB Hi Fi is probably a little too broad I think. Trust me I've spent a lot of time there and bought many CDs.

I've actually been thinking about your suggestions. I found a punk place in Melbourne I'm going to try out tonight. I am going alone. I might give it half an hour or an hour. I'll see how I go but I don't want you guys to be helping me without me actually trying because I would feel bad.

I have also considered your idea about a record store. I found one in North Melbourne. I'll see if I can go on Sunday morning or sometime early next week. I'll see how I go tonight first and then tackle the record store soon.

I really appreciate you all helping me. I am just going through an absolutely awful time at the moment and I feel very unwell so I can get angry really easily. I'll let you all know how I go tonight.

Azzdog · ‎20-07-2018

So I went, wasn't able to get in. Remembered all the times I got rejected. Got really upset. Wasn't able to go in. I am now off to hospital because I can't do this all on my own. I need people to help me go with.

smallwolf · ‎20-07-2018

I am so sorry.I sincerely hope that you did not feel as though I was pushing you. Which is why I tried giving you some ideas in creating contacts or building networks. But remember this, you tried. And that has to be a positive! And I will be here if you want to chat. I have some questions, but now is not the right time to ask. Keep safe and be gentle to yourself. Please.

Tim

Azzdog · ‎21-07-2018

You didn't push me. I probably shouldn't have gone considering how unwell I was last night. I actually didn't go to hospital because the after hours service at Orygen suggested it wouldn't be a good idea. Hospital is becoming a safety net that is unsustainable and I need to learn to manage without it. So I am at home right now. Though I would rather be there. But please don't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault.

Doolhof · ‎21-07-2018

Hi Azzdog,

Hope you are okay. I'm really sorry you were able to enter the place you wanted to attend. Did they give you a reason for this? Would you like to talk about it so we can help you to unload what happened and how it has made you feel? If not, that is okay as well.

Do you feel like you have the strength to go to the record store sometime? I know after a knockback it can be hard to get to your feet and to try again.

I would like to congratulate you on giving it a go! That is a huge achievement in itself. It did not end well, but hopefully you can see the positive in the fact that you tried.

Do you have any6 plans for how you would like to spend the weekend? After a setback it can be important to be aware of how you are feeling and trying to find something positive, achievable and purposeful to do.

All the best to you from Dools

Azzdog · ‎21-07-2018

Hey Doolhof,

It wasn't that they let me in, it was just my anxiety and depression got so intense that I wasn't able to go in. I felt pretty pathetic afterwards that I couldn't but I guess it was a big step. Probably should aim for something a bit smaller.

I think the record store is achievable. In fact, health permitting, I may try tomorrow. There wouldn't be as many people there as a club.

Thank you. I guess that's the way I need to look at it, rather than beat myself up about it. At least I tried which is something I don't normally do.

Unfortunately I have work today which doesn't help my mental health at all. Hopefully I can press through and make it to tomorrow where there may be something planned from one of the groups I take part in at Orygen. If that doesn't go ahead I may try to do the record store and do some study. Try to raise the self-esteem a little bit before the start of next weekend. Or I may write music. Just need to get through today.

Azzdog · ‎22-07-2018

So I went to the record store and managed okay. I did go with my mother this time just to make sure. But I managed to pick up a New York Dolls record so it was a pretty good day.

Doolhof · ‎22-07-2018

Hi Azzdog,

Congratulations on getting to the record store. It doesn't matter that you went with someone, you still made it there and managed to purchase a record. That is excellent.

This morning my mind was telling me I needed to stay home instead of going to Church. I counter-acted those thoughts and managed to leave on time to make it with time to spare. I enjoyed the drive there, looking at the scenery along the way.

I talked with a few people I don't normally talk to and enjoyed a chat with others at morning tea.

Do you find at times that it is the actual getting to a place and making plans to do something that are actually harder than arriving at the place? I find that sometimes.

Hope you enjoy your record and were able to join in some activities.

Cheers from Dools

Azzdog · ‎22-07-2018

Sometimes I find the place I'm at to be too overwhelming. I'm finding that happens a lot these days. It takes a lot of mental energy to prepare myself for a social event, and because there are so many triggers there now, staying there is becoming a lot harder. I don't want to feel like a burden or someone who is hard to be around, so I remove myself from those situations.

I'm sorry I sound too depressing. Something has happened that has really triggered me and it has made me depressed and angry beyond words can say.

smallwolf · ‎22-07-2018

Azzdog,

Its OK. I sort of understand/know what you mean. Things that you think should not effect you, or does not for other people, has a profound effect on you. Someone said to me, as long as it is two steps forward and one step back, that is OK. There was a meeting I did not go to last week for "similar" (broadly speaking) last week. And then for me, I figure it is about learning new coping tools to manage. I (and possibly you?) need to be able to accept this new state we are in, and learn to work with it. I am confident you will get there, and myself and the rest at beyond blue with walk with you (virtually) on this journey.

Tim