Releasing the family to move on.

[Sinking_in_the_Ocean]

Backstory. I have been out of work just prior for about 2 years as a result of my work relationship going sour after I came back from FIFO work with depression anxiety and anger at lack of support during FIFO work. Being let go resulted in further decline which I did initially seek medical help to alleviate but had too many issues with the various SSRIs including in ability to stay awake over 9 hours a day, loss of memory and the last unexpected rage. I did try a Psych but the big issue we could not get past was lack of work and money causing increase in short temper, malaise and general disinterest in everything. I could not seem to get ANY help from centrelink in fact $0 dollars exactly (partner works 4 day contracts so we just held onto the house). I tried retraining but the course turned out to be very badly managed with a 92% drop out rate by halfway so did I as I could see I was going to be to stressed to even sit interviews. In the same week we had a discussion about divorce I managed to get work for about 3.5 months on base rates in a niche field but had to work with a guy that was targeting me from day 1 and working so hard I was crashing at 6pm each night. Every day he would put complaints in about me and then convince everyone else to each day while acting nice to me, I actually think he was a borderline psychopath with his rage, ocd and 2 face nature. So that ended, and I find myself in same situation with no skills i can use, no support or friends or close family and no options for work plus more anxiety and injuries from the 3.5 months work (stuffed right arm muscle hoping will heal). I cant find anything to help me both before and now with looking for work or retraining and so I'm expecting the same result as before. So what I'm looking at is how to move out of society to the middle of nowhere to survive but in a way that will best protect my 2 kids from the damage that normally occurs when the family disintegrates around them. I know that if I leave now my partner has a good chance of meeting someone that will be better able to support my kids emotionally and financially and teach them better than someone like me who is constantly having to play defense with my own emotions and constant job loss.

[Sinking_in_the_Ocean]

Well how are things going. The missus mentioned divorce again the other day and given we havent had relations for a couple of years now we are no longer the same people. Ive continued applying for jobs anything from cleaner to handyman I cant work in high stress now. I have continued to seek job seeking assistance from Centrelink which has been so far complete waste of time and I expect the tick box requirements mean it will always be till I change my nationality or the divorce goes through in which case with no home no income no assets Centrelink will be the only support I will get. Have scrounged up some stuff to allow me to live in the car for extended periods as any change will take a good month or 2. On a positive note I have found the recent changes to fee help mean I can go back and finish the Programming course I started..unfortunately I cant remember a thing part of the side affects of the meds I was on before plus long term stress and I suspect months of nothing being different. I cut all ties with the last workplace I was at for 4 years.While I was at the last dodgy job for a couple of months when they got a reference call for me they sent the sales person round that undercut everything I could do (think 60k + wages vs $150 per hour). Suspect they will do it again though. So at this stage Im trying to work out what to do. Do I go to TAFE try and complete the programming that I suspect will lead to high stress work or change to something simpler Cert 3 instead of diploma programming. Kinda stuck too my physical side is failing now with arm muscle problems due to dodgy workplace lack of OHS. Do I keep applying as likely wont have partner in 6 months let alone 12months. Tired

I dont think any of it fits in with how i just want to walk away and disappear jus leave cant see why its worth it all none of it is recoverable its all tiriing me out and doesnt provide any happiness just keeps me moving and thinking. Guess Ill sleep on it.

[Sinking_in_the_Ocean]

So not much has changed. I managed to get work for 3 months but my last employer (some 6 + years ago sent their salesperson around and suddenly they would give me writeups for things like looking for house numbers when going out for jobs). Wasnt long enough and that ended. Tried TAFE in programming course and succedded in getting a unpaid internship. Till they phoned up my last place of work they bad mouthed me i guess as the boss chewed out the guy that hired me. After that had a nervous breakdown so pulled out of the course now cant remember any of it. No longer on meds dont see the point for all the side affects couoldnt think nstraight and with the only advice from psych was CBT think good thoughts dont dwell on bad ones. I really dont think she had a clue on the workplace bullying that i had endured and that is still going on now about 20 years, multiple industries, different states, loss of family and the isolation of no friendships for years. So i sit by myself every day looking at the same 4 or 5 webpages while i wait. Not expecting it to be long now but i think the reason we are still coparenting is she is not able to get kids to and from school and still go to gym or whatever she does afterhours. I notice the length of this unemplyment depression is now affecting my ability to be a good dad.

[Croix]

Dear Sinking in the Ocean~

I'm glad you are still in contact wiht your wife, even if not close, and think you have the wrong end of the stick with being a father.

If one has good job, good car, money for the utilities and decent clothes, plus whatever the family needs, then the example you set your children is how to behave when life is smooth. Not really a lot of help for the real world.

It is precisely when you are having hard times, long hard times, that your example has the most worth. It helps when they in their turn have to face such things.

OK, you cannot change the employment situation, if there are not enough jobs and umpteen applicants most will not get what they desire. What you can control - with help like I had -is you. To divide your day, early morning for jobsearch, the rest living as normal and enjoyable a life as possible, divorced from the rat race.

How you do this is your task, and will rely upon your inventiveness, interests, and even advice from others. The goal is to have something to look forward to each day.

You have had goals before, education for a start, and managed. you can achieve this goal too.

You may think I'm missing the point, that unemployment is the root problem -True, but for everyone it is coping with disaster that is the important thing.

I was invalided out of my lifetime occupation, one that was my entire life. Eventually I found -unexpectedly -another avenue. Before I had simply given up, and been the millstone on my family, but that all changed.

I'm in a good place, loving and loved, doing and having accomplishment. It is possible for oyu as it was for me.

Croix

[Sinking_in_the_Ocean]

Well originally it wasnt the depression that has stopped me it was the constant workplace attacks. I did overcome this by changing jobs hiding me home eventually having to leave the state all my family and friends, skilled work retraining to different skill set. Worked till my last workplace put me on an assignment where the company checked work references and they got the sent to hunt me again. Now I cant run I have no friends, no money to retrain, no references that havent been influenced by waht ever they are saying about me, which must be good given i even lost an unpaid internship as aresult. So I dont need to hear about rising to the occasion, learning or growing. Im only trying to stave things off its become obvious there is no help no chance this time all the effort I have put in has been ignored and now i have no chances left.

[Croix]

Dear SITO~

OK, I hear you, employment and training are at the moment impractical and I'm not suggesting learning or growing.Volunteering comes with problems.

As these are out how do you feel about being a house husband for a while? Doing the things that allow your wife to concentrate on her work? Washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking? That last one can be a challenge, maybe even an enjoyable one.

If you have basic disagreements with your wife over how kids should be handled do you think that now might be a time for compromise? If acceding to her wishes enables your children to live with their natural father it might be worth the price. Plus it may make your wife see you in a different light. What do you feel?

With medications, as Geoff has pointed out, SSRI's are not the only medication. I am on something completely different, side effects minimal and it works quite well. It does not cover every situation but makes things more than just livable.

Croix

[Sinking_in_the_Ocean]

Well basically have been house husband for the past 8 years. Gradually through this period is where my depression became quite serious I found the only was actually to go off the SSRIs they basically clouded my judgement and after a near miss with Learner truck driver due to the side effects I realised I couldnt stay on them. At that stage I actually calmed down knowing I was no longer able to work, no references no amicable or postive recent workplaces and a niche tech field. That didnt last though and couldnt, now at the stage where parts of the house are fallingoff from rot and possible termites, cars failing having not been serviced for 8 years, only way to afford the expensive high school costs is to beg for money from family. At some point I have to retrain yet again and with no work support or help find a job. At the moment we are not going to bad, not arguing in front of kids basically we live under same roof but only interaction is making cups of tea and cooking every night. Not sure where that is heading. Do know not interested in any medications tried it for years seems to be ineffective at doing its job and had more progress in 1 year off it than 8-10 years on it.