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Relationship woes

Community Member
I'm sitting here, crying, having set up the spare bed in our guest room. I don't know if anyone will read this or if I'm posting into nothingness... My partner and I moved in together and you would think it would be a a magical time but it's not. His insecurity about my male dominant work life is making it so hard on me. I feel accused for things all the time, even if i bake something for the workplace I'm supposedly trying to hit on everyone I'm working with. I'm not. And now I'm trapped in this house; not wanting any of my friends to know this isn't a fairy tale. I love him but I'm hurting so much right now and don't know what to do. I walk on egg shells constantly. I don't think relationships are meant to be like this but we have a house together now. I don't know what to do.
2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi White-flowers

no, a relationship should definitely not be like that. I can understand Hiw you would be feeling when it comes to your friends but you do need to reach out to someone like a family member or friend that can help you in this situation.

I have to ask. Do you feel safe living in the house with him?

What is his past, if you don’t mind me asking. Has he been cheated on? He has some problems that he hasn’t dealt with.

Did he show any of this jealousy before you moved in together?

Community Member

Hi white flowers

jealousy is about the insecurity of the person feeling jealous, not about the behaviour 'causing' the jealousy. There is nothing whatsoever wrong with you baking treats for work, it's certainly not a come on. I work in a male dominated office and I sometimes bake for the guys and no one has ever taken it that way. So just in case you're not sure, I wanted to say you're not doing anything wrong.

you might also be surprised by how supportive your friends are if you tell them. In my experience most people hide something and show a happy face to the world. They might even be relieved if you're the first to admit all is not great and they will reveal their own secrets and fears. In any case it can't hurt to talk to them and could be a burden off you.

Your partner needs to get to the bottom of why he is so unsure of you. Can you talk to him? what is in his past if anything that makes him untrusting? If there is something he might be able to work on it. If it's just about him wanting to control your behaviour... That's a bit of a red flag. Love should never be controlling.

I know dealing with tough issues is really stressful. But it's better done sooner rather than later. Things like this don't tend to just go away on their own so if you don't hash it out you might be dealing with it for the entire length of your relationship

i wish you the best