Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

lt's also just getting confusing especially emotionally , and hard too. l mean half the time to we still talk just as we would normally anytime too , as if we're just still together.

But l def' can't go on like this if we aren't how are you suppose to heal or move on. But also with her latest round of problems and some new legals also reappearing on top of it then too , none of that's my job anymore under the circumstances anyway and l must say, all that part of it now that it isn't anymore then alright l'll gladly be done with it.

[CMF]

Hi rx,

I agree you can't move on if you keep having this contact. Especially if there's nothing you can do to help or even be together. 

[randomxx]

Yeah.

To be fair, none of the latest is even her fault it's the tail end of legals which was suppose to be done now and she wouldn't even have to deal with this last bit butttt, unfortunately now, not so lucky. And 90% of even her situation now or what she's been through and dealing with last 7 yrs really,wasn't her fault either her ex caused all of it to avoid paying her out and anyone would've wound up with depression anxiety from it all.

Soooo, l can't really blame her for still being this or that but the thing is , this is where it's left us and left me but so it's just not my place anymore .

lt's just time l started thinking of myself from here .

[randomxx]

lt's not easy for her either it's not like she's just popping in and out now as if it's nothing and we never were, hence her letter a few wks back she's been very emotional too at times. lt's probably why she's still in and out herself too as much as anything else .

So deep down l know for me but even her too it's like there's always still a glimmer of hope underneath you know, lingering. But with her flips and instability still going on really, even if, iffff, one day all her problems are all just done, l still don't think flips and instability will ever end and so l can't just go on dealing with all that, living more limbo.

You know, if we aren't then l just wanna move on with life and my plan b but it's like if l don't back this of now it could go on forever .

[CMF]

You're right, it could go on indefinitely.  Like M & I, even though the situation was different.

I know it's cliche,  but if it's meant to be it will be, no matter how long it takes. 

[randomxx]

Well l saw servo girl for a few seconds today, talking seconds but at least there were no other customers for those seconds. Apile just about finished and on their way in though.

She gets a nervous, it's kinda cute, then again everything about her is cute she couldn't not be.

Hmmm, l'm no clearer . lt wasn't quite flowing enough to find out if there's a hubby or bf or 25kids.

Where was l. Ah yessa. And l got home an hr later and gf 0 called again. Bloody hell. Not that l minded as such the bloody hell is just bloody hell - what will become of me as an old mate use to say.

You wouldn't even know we aren't atm the way we've been talking and sounding.

Bloody hell, that's all l have to say on the matter.

[randomxx]

ps, can't for the life of me work her age out - she could be 30 or she could be 50.

You women really should have that on your foreheads it'd make life so much easier.

There is one issue, there's 4 other girls work at that place and so if l was to but it didn't go well and she blabbed - things could get rather embarrassing .

[randomxx]

At any rate not that l'd even know what to do about it anyway if somebody new did come along right now nor would l even trust myself to even be in a state where l could even start something else anytime soon.

O is def' still in an us type of emotional state no matter what she says she can't have atm and tbh it's hard not to be with myself too.

Pretty sure if l said l'm coming up she'd be all over it.

Scary but today she said we met almost 6yrs ago. She's really bad with dates though and so am l too actually, tbh l'm still not sure myself.

You see what all this still in contact does, ldk hth the hell to handle it. Maybe it'll fizzle away in time if we aren't to be.

[randomxx]

We phoned awhile today , like 3hrs.

So damn weird though and it hit me 3 or 4 times again just today as we talked it often still does that just how freaky our views and ways and ideas are and the way that they're just so alike. Considering too that she comes from the other side of the planet and a different world, life, language.

l mean this is all the big stuff in life, all the things that really matter between two people, you know the sort of things that whereby if you do look at differently feel differently about, then there probably couldn't even be a relationship with many of them or if there is you'd just be all wrong for ea other.

A lot of really freaky stuff too it use to just blow my mind earlier in when back when we first met but still hits me even now.

Not only but the other huge thing on top of stuff like that was that we like to live exactly the same to. And if you knew my lifestyle and ways, l'm a weird bastard, it ain't an easy thing to find. Even ex w and l were totally different in a lot of it.

Some of the big reasons l've persisted bc l am very very aware of just how huge it it finding someone that along with all the other things that go along with wanting to be with someone- there was also all this stuff.

Mind you, are different to though in some other things .

[randomxx]

Buttt, something been on my mind.

You know, you read a lot that if someone tells you they can't for whatever reason be in the relationship- then you believe them and give them what they want and find somebody that appreciates you and does want to.

Am l just being an idiot even still bothering  ?

l mean bc of her problems and the person l know she is and of the way l know she does feel, l do,  but maybe l should be dropping the whole thing once and for all.