Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

Worked today and was thinking when did l start this thread bc l think this has happened 3 or 4 times just in that time. Just checked the date then and saw the title and yep - the very thread title was about all this exact crap yet again.

So in 8 mths l've been up to hers since, twice , and this has happened yet again 3 or 4 times during that 8mths.

lf l read it through l'd have forgotten the others already but nope , who needs that.

You know somems wrong when your whole thread is just about their rubbish don't you cm.

[CMF]

Hi my friend,

You are right again. Her & M are so different yet the crap is the same. It all comes down to not being emotionally available but still wanting to hang onto something.  You're also right when you said you know sonething's wrong when your whole thread is about their rubbish. If I read over mine it would he the same bs popping up over & over. We don't ask for much yet it was so hard to get the basics out of our partners.  I read that someone can't give you what they can't give themselves. 

I'm proud of you for calling out the bs. It's what I did only not so calm. 

[randomxx]

Ah cm , we need a hug.

But haaa, thx anyway yeah, pretty proud of that too it'd normally mean fireworks for sure she doesn't do well when you tell her her own bs but l'd thought if this is gonna be it and l knew it would be then l rather it wasn't like that if possible, can't believe she didn't crack it.

Nope we don't wanna read over, l'd like this deleted tbh.

Strange you read that bc that what she says and means when she says she's too sick.

But exactly , all l've needed from day one from her is something reliable and steady in her ways and thinking, something l'd know l could depend on, know it was real, know it would be there when the chips are down, know that she'd fight for us . Well she did do that last bit for sure but the rest, man, to this day that all depends on how she feels when she wakes up on the day, it's bloody madness. 

l'm afraid it finally feels real this time my friend. Not nice is it . But l can't go on like this.

Been thinking a lot today like ya do, l worked as well though which at least helped a lot too. But l tell ya, having been around a lot of new to Australia people most my life, speaking English is one thing but actually understanding and comprehending the intricacies of the others thinking, is so damn important. 

Really odd with us bc in ways considering we were from different worlds we actually thought a lot a like on very big things but we were also totally different on other very big things too. So although she'd done really well with her English in many ways it was only very skin deep. ln ways where we did think differently or didn't agree, she couldn't even grasp it which made things pretty hard when they're big issues and it goes right through to the thinking too which can be oppisites. So if there's ever anyone else now l'm thinking today, pleaseeee, be from the same world.

And that got me thinking about servo girl nc she speaks fairly good English but it's yet again from another culture and l don't think l could even go there again anyway.

[randomxx]

That's always her main thing actually, she's too sick.

l don't get it bc if l was l'd rather have the support and a loving relationship , helping ea other and being together with your partner.

She always says she can't cope bc she can't even look after herself. That all just goes back to her thinking she has to be her mum though but in reality she looks after herself just fine , one of the most capable and physical people l ever met.

Makes it even more ridiculous.

[Guest_9989]

I'm really sorry to hear about your breakup. It sounds like you gave it your all and supported her through a lot, but it became too much in the end. It's completely understandable to feel hopeless about starting over, especially after investing so much time and energy.

Taking time to heal and process everything is important. Maybe focus on yourself and what makes you happy right now. Meeting the right person can feel daunting, but it's never too late. You've already shown incredible resilience, and that strength will help you move forward.

Take care of yourself,

[randomxx]

Thanks very much for that.

And yeah fully agree l'm not one to go rushing back in. Matter of fact l have a little fear about that sort of thing in that maybe that rare someone new and right for me does pop up but it's too soon for me.

At any rate , thanks again.

rx

[randomxx]

l can admit a few things now bc it is done, l'm not turning back.

But weirdly but also as expected even said it here, she messaged today. l'm fading that out though to if it does go on and l only gave short little replies.

Thing was though , it's always been a weird thing with her.

like she doesn't know me very well at all , even now after all this time has no understanding of me in any depth at all. lt's always hit me a lot has right through at times l've been just gob smacked and still am to this day.

She has this thing though in her nature and sometimes she's her own worst enemy. On one hand she's probably wiser than any woman l've ever known or the average anybody on the street.

But on the other, she's a real very weird 50  50 mix and lt doesn't really matter what's in front of her, she doesn't see it. Often it's like her mind is locked and it often is, just closed. She see's what she sees thinks what she thinks and there's no changing it , even if it's 100% off that mark and proven right in front of her, no matter- didn't happen.

Well , that stops her from actually knowing you , bc she's just kind blocked and set in whatever she thinks and that's that.

So sadly, even after 5yrs, your still explaining the same stuff in all kinds of things but especially for example about yourself or feelings or thoughts, beliefs , anything. Even if it's things about herself she does right in front of you 100 times, habits, ways, views, anything- it didn't happen if she can't see it herself. lt's a really really weird thing.

Long story short though, it's always been one very very frustrating and disappointing thing about her bc l like my woman to know me, really know me, and really know who l am and what l'm about but even after all this time really, she's still nowhere even ball park, almost clueless tbh.

She thinks she does just just bc she knows your food or a few habits, but that's nothing, she doesn't.

So l won't be missing any of that let me tell you and if there ever is anyone else l just hope we can truly know ea other.

rx

[CMF]

I hear you. I often felt M didn't really know me cos he was too wrapped up in his sis to allow me to be who I needed to be. I couldn't give what I needed & wanted to in the relationship cos besides the intimacy he'd get everything else from sis. 

[randomxx]

That's ironic bc l just told her today it wasn't all her fault she didn't know me at all.

Bc l was never a full bf but l was also quite guarded. l hated being those things or not being it's not me at all in my relationship, not even close to who l am or what l'm about. But with my trust thing - which she proved to be for valid reason over and over, well, l just couldn't drop it.

Not to say it was all bad or anything no way but there was always this thing , an undertone for me- she didn't even know, such as she was.

And yeah, saw that with you and m right through, it was such a shame, was with me and gf too.

[CMF]

Yep, you & I were both guarded cos of their situations. Even though those 2 are so different they both didn't give us an opportunity to really be who we needed to cos their other things had more hold on them than us. Yes they said they loved us so much but they were both pulled away by other things which left us not knowing. He said I was more invested than him. I only was when I sent him that 5 year anniversary message. I decided to go all in to try & be the one in his life but he eas too busy having a great time. He said something missing for him. Told him HE was missing.  If you gone in 100% you may have got the same rejection cos both of them were full in at the start but then got slowly pulled by other stuff.