Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[Skary Bill]

Hey RX,  fair enough mate.   Glad you're lookin after yourself.   I'll keep an eye out for a new thread for sure.

That cabin setup sounds sweet.  And yes, its amazing what people don't want.  Really useful stuff if you're clever enough to put it to use. 😄   Anyway, take it easy.   Chat again soon. 

[randomxx]

Thanks for that Carus.

Yeah we have you bet , people couldn't imagine where we've been tbh and all right through 2state Covid lockdowns and borders too while we were at it-pretty tricky 1200k apart man the things we did. The things she did actually too,still can't believe them especially with what else she was going through at the same time.

Even thinking about all that now,no wonder she tries to give us up when here l was still iffy. No woman would've done the things she did through Covid read about couples all over the world and man, we and she left them in the dust.

There so many things, haven't divulged a fraction of them through this so nah, don't think it's bp, it's just hard to explain , but cause and effects.

Tbh ,l think more about my problem than hers, why am l still half in half out, she warned me 5yrs was going to be it.

rx

[randomxx]

Gday Bill  and thanks mate,hope your rolling along ok .

The sheets and shed were a funny thing really like l was looking for a good buy in materials at the time to build it but at the same time dropping stuff of down at the scrap and seeing all these 100s of sheets people were just throwing out, some of it brand new sooo,l couldn't resist.

l wish l had the time over though with the cabin bc l would've built it in tiny house on wheels form.

Btw , did l see somewhere you were picking up kit sheds ?

Bit of a contrast to the other post l've just done but what can l say. One thing l have been seriously thinking about though is a tiny house actually. l don't want another mortgage later or another big house, l want things as simplistic as possible when l leave here. tHis place has been so much work, and there was the cabin property and before that ex and l had a few small acreage properties .You know, on top of all that life and the world is just so damn complicated these days, l just crave minimalist simplicity.

l'm even considering picking up a large caravan base and building a tiny house.

rx

[randomxx]

l did answer the last few posts here a day or two back ,thanks for those but my latest seems to have gone west so l won't try again yet bc it might still turn up yet.

lots of reflecting last few days though and probably not smart but l was reading through lots of messages between us from over the yrs,l saved a lot of them in a sep folder.

l've thought this a few time over the yrs but l think it probably me and my actions that's made her be so on off a lot of the time and added into the stress she's been under.

She's been soooooo loving , from day one. A psychic friend of mine even told me that , he reads faces  , he's very good and usually spot on. Once he was just staring at a photo of us - which l hate it when he does that bc he might see bad news - seen him do it with other people and it's always turned out.

l said mate l feel really uncomfortable with you staring at our photo like that it's scaring me.

He said my friend , you have nothing to worry about , your just being silly with all your worry. She loves you sooooo much , do you realize how much she loves you, her love is very real. Do you know what l'd give to meet a girl like her l'd give everything l own to meet someone like that, your so lucky and you've found your love, now it's my turn.

[ he's been meeting people a long while now after a really bad marriage but unfortunately he hasn't had much luck so far with women}

l wrote what he said down word for word back then and saved it with the other stuff, but l've forgotten all about it until l just saw again it with the other stuff the other day.

He was right ,l looked at that photo and it is all over her, it's all over others too and in all the messages and her words, it's everywhere.

Bloody hell , l think l've been a fool.

l just couldn't trust allow myself to trust again, and so l often blocked it and never believed.l was so cruel in shutting it down , l cut our stays short and hers when she'd gone to all that trouble to fly down - even all through covid and lock downs and borders , through all of it. Won't go into that again it's in the other missing post that might turn up yet.

l've literally blocked her love from day one and l haven't been very good to her either at all bc l didn't believe it and so didn't trust it was real , self preservation.

l'd even brushed of affection and words of love , same reasons , right through.

She told me last trip down , this would be her last and if it didn't work out or l was still closed then that's gonna be it , 5yrs is enough.

l brushed that of too, even sabotaged subconsciously to l think.

l've been doing it for yrs, she's never had her full love returned but she's the one that's kept trying , even flying down again that last trip. She was spose to be here mths , still here now, but l made excuses and cut it short, again !

And so once again she's got back to syd hurt and confused bc of my hold backs and the way l've been right through, and started getting stressed and negative and given up. And she told me outright 5yrs this was gonna be her last if it didn't work out or l was still like that- but there l was, again.

That's all for now,l need to think, self therapy .

rx

[randomxx]

My cards have been reading big love , since we met. But here l've been not believing that either.

And they're still saying the same thing l did a read the other day, exactly the same.

God almighty wth is wrong with me.

[randomxx]

l've told myself right through the cards were talking about someone else and tbh they have been very confusing bc they've never done something like this consistently for yrs on end before.

Anyway, excuse that rants , lot of thinking been going on. We talked today , only messaging . She woke me this morning with this long odd convo, but she has such a tone about her atm l know she's turned back toward us again. Though we haven't talked about anything like that or us l've certainly been thinking as you can see and l can hear she is again too.

ldk,l just can't throw in the towel just yet, l can't see or feel anyone else, it all just feels unresolved, like there's more.

She'll be back from Japan before christmas and atm l'm thinking about going up if she's open to it and we can talk, should talk. But l need to be 110% honest to her.

Well , that's been my thoughts atm anyway but if it leads to nowhere or things change meantime then, l'd be thinking it'd have to be time to accept it.

l could be wrong about her,maybe she is just all over the shop and as unreliable as it seems sometimes but on the other hand, things l've been realizing would certainly cause a lot of the same especially on top of her other stressors.

rx

[Carus]

Unfortunately she is very up and down and sadly you've been drawn into her up and down world. In your first post you stated you'd had enough....Perhaps not just yet yeh, but I feel that time is coming.

Sorry to hear you're caught up in the tarot card thing. I have my own opinions about that stuff and had to wean off them a few years back. They were keeping me hanging onto false hope where there was none...

My father died many years ago...and at the age of 73, my mum met another guy and they were together 20 years before he too passed on.....just saying*

Also, talking pros and cons, there are definately perks of being single. So I wouldn't fear that too much.

Ever Forward Rx.

Regards

Carus*

[white knight]

Hi RX

I'm 67yo and if my wife passed or we split I've already decided I'd live the rest of my days in a caravan or mobile homes if affordable. No bond, no furniture, maybe a push bike or postie bike on the back or in a trailer.

I have wikicamps as a app, that tells me everything on free camps. It costs $8 one off payment. 

Live free.

The other thing is, after 60yo it is a far better lifestyle on a friendship basis, you meet so many single people on the road, stay friends, meet up at different places and so on.

Something to ponder on.

TonyWK

[randomxx]

Thanks for the thoughts Carus

Those perks, yeah you aren't wrong. Funny, well sort of, l was very happily married for 15yrs of our 21 but even through those l was constantly amazed at just how complicated being married made life. Even the simplest of things not only the bigger things.

10 yrs now and most of that either alone or with a p'time gf and it's funny , but again the differences of being together verses alone, just blow my mind.This is one of the biggest reasons l've held back. Tbh l quite like p/t until further notice but any woman l've been involved with since, has wanted more and it's been the same with gf, she's wanted marriage 3yrs now.

Even love my trips to sydney or to the airport picking her up, she hates all that and she hates being apart but me,l could go on like this yrs yet and still have my alone time.

lt may come to acceptance yet yeah. l;m still having trouble committing to more, hence her 5yrs thing, and fair enough.

Cards ah, l don't do Tarots although ex w use to, l hated those damn things and l agree with. l've mainly just used another verity 35yrs now in my business, bc they're spot on. Businesses have many decisions to make and in that they've def' helped. But l don't use them for life in anyway never have, this is why it's strange they've started talking about love, when for 30yrs earlier it's just been purely business. But l'm winding down my business so yeah, they'll be going too now.

All the best

rx

[randomxx]

Hi there Tony and thanks for the thoughts.

But mate yeah this is the way l've been feeling.

ldk if it was in my posts that haven't turned up yet or already in here somewhere but all pretty well the exact things l've craved last few yrs now.

Ex and l had small ac properties and reno's, l've still had the cabin right through, then l got this place which never ends, ya know, l just so badly crave minimalist, nothingness, peace of mind.

Funny but vans are part of my business and l see at work all the time how they have everything anyone could ever need really to my mind even an old one,so nice, tiny houses on wheels but soooo much simpler than property. Been on my mind for yrs l feel disillusioned with property and owning these days . Even gf said a few times, maybe we should just go live in a van and travel, hmmm, not a bad idea, not bad at all.

But l could see it alone too as ya say, if that's the way it goes.

Thanks for that site ,l'll certainly be checking that one out what a great idea.

All the best

rx