Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Regret leaving my loving husband

Community Member

Hi everyone,

I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 5 years and when I realised it wasn't working for me about a year ago, I officially moved out of our family home.

My husband helped me move, supported me, told me to take all the time I need and he will be here waiting for me, we need each other, do better as a team and we'll get through it. My parents begged me to get counselling, make it work with him because they adore him, he is their son. My mum tells me everyday...he loves you, go home.

I just didn't feel in love and disinterested, marriage is hard work and I felt exhausted. I constantly felt lonely with him doing shift work, I was tired begging him to help around the house and to make time for us, the intimacy was 3 years long gone but he loves me, I am his world, we had each other, he worked himself to the bone to ensure we had what we needed and wanted, I could say jump and he would say 'how high'...I regret taking advantage of his kind heartedness and now realise he was probably depressed too.

I think we were too young, no idea how to communicate, motivate, encourage each other, maybe we should of grown together before getting married.

A few months ago, I met a new man and we moved in together. Everything has been bliss, he is everything I wanted in my husband. He always wants to make plans with me, weekends away, hiking, kayaking, he is someone who encourages me, I am doing better at work and I am loosing weight because I have confidence and motivation but he's not my husband who I have been missing a lot lately...

I feel confused and tired from constantly crying. Do I just miss what is familiar? someone I have known nearly a decade, who knows me like the back of his hand, who respected and loved me or do I want to have a future with a man I just met, that I click with and love every minute of my time with.

3 Replies 3

Community Member

Hi chlookie,

It is really hard emotionally to start a new relationship once you've been with someone else for so long. Then to have all of the things that you wanted to happen with your husband now happen with your new partner would be bringing up a lot of reminders about your relationship.

Do you and your husband have children together or was it just the two of you.

When did you start thinking about your husband all the time, before or after you met your new partner.

Its been a year since you left your partner has anything happened between you and him in this year to make you think that you still want to be with him.

Hi Jane,

Thanks for your response, I appreciate it.

There is no children involved.

I really never stopped thinking about him but I do have my days where its better and I tell myself it wont work long term especially if we both aren't committed 100% to putting the work in. I just miss him, the stability, being his priority and world but I felt lonely with him never being home, and begging for things to be done and he made me feel so demotivated.

We rarely talk but had lunch recently and I just cried the whole time thinking why, why cant he show some emotion, tell me I am beautiful, he will attempt to find a job that accommodates us. He tried telling me we will get through it, move forward, don't look at the past etc but I haven't heard from him since.

Its is also hard when he is still fully involved in my families life and they adore him. I would like to try and move on with my new partner but there is always traits of his I wish my ex had and visa versa.

I wonder why do I keep thinking about him and miss his love so much if deep down I know I wont be happy with my husband but its hard when we shared vows.

It must be so hard thinking about which path to take.

You have said a few things that came to my attention.

He makes me feel so demotavited and he never tells me I'm beautiful. The stability of our relationship and being he's priority.

Maybe your feeling a little scared that over time this relationship your starting now will be worse and you may be in the same situation you are now.

I also think you may be feeling a little remorseful for moving on.

But you are the only one who knowns which path is the right one for you.

did you ever go to counseling for yourself or both of you to try to repair the relationship.

Maybe counseling would be a good idea for yourself, get those confusions out on the table so to speak.

Your family will learn to love who ever your with as they did your husband.

You need to choose what's best for you.