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Recovering from narcissitic abuse (DV)

missclaire
Community Member

Dear lovely people

hope you are all well. i was wondering if anyone has any kind words or advice for moving on from deep narcissistic physical and psychological abuse. I am working on myself and co-dependancy issues, self love, but also missing connection which is also why i am here.

Much love to you all,

Claire

4 Replies 4

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear missclaire,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums...

I am so sorry that you went through DV by a narcissist person...I can relate so much to your post as I survived a 38 year marriage with a very cruel narcissist man...

Its good to hear that you are pro active and working on yourself with some much needed self care and self love...It took me many years for me to realise that I was worth any kind of self care...But now with the help of my counsellor, I am starting to realise that I am worth it and I can be who I was supposed to be....finding out who I am is hard as my entire life was lived for other people, not me...

I am here if you feel up to talking..I’m on here most days, at different times of the day/night...so please lovely lady talk here anytime you want to...

My kindest thoughts, with my care dear missclaire...

Grandy..

Thank you for your response Grandy,

my mind is a whirlwind at the moment since the incident only happened a week ago. Thoughts of betrayal how he cheated and how he heavily devalued me with the most cruel words. Sometimes the emotional abuse is worse that the physical. He definitely knew my weaknesses and trauma and used it against me.

Today i am focusing on self healing, being healthy and lots of journaling. I am chasing the lesson in this all.

Much love

Claire

Hi Claire

Im sorry that you had this experience. I can relate, though I wish I couldn’t. It’s a unique and awful experience to go through and I feel for you.

One of the best pieces of advice I got was to focus on me, not them. All the why’s and the how’s are pointless and change nothing, and just prevent your healing. A narcissistic mind is not a rational mind, so a rational mind can’t comprehend the why's and how’s anyway.

Who are you? What do you want? What do you need to work on? These are better questions. It sounds like you’re working on you anyway, which is awesome 🙂

The other thing I did was to practice gratitude. I’m grateful we’re done. It creates space for something genuine and healthy to come along. Which doesn’t mean I don’t miss him still. I accept that and have made peace with it. It’s complicated, and doesn’t mean I want him back.

Be really really kind to yourself. He was mean enough without you being mean to you too.

I hope any of that helps even a little. Sending big cyber warm and understanding hugs, Katy

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear missclaire...

What you said about emotional abuse is so true to me...

My husband passed away 8 years ago..all the physical abuse healed once he passed..but the emotional abuse, the unkind things he used to call me..and how they made me feel is what I’m still struggling with today...it’s so much harder to heal a broken heart and soul....The hurt stays longer...much much longer and I feel in my heart that even though with counselling and learning to manage the emotional and verbal abuse I’ll never heal from it....manage it better yes..but heal I really don’t know...

If it’s okay to ask you...are you considering any professional help to help you manage your emotional and verbal abuse?...Its okay if you don’t want to answer...theirs no pressure here at all....I only asked out of concern for your mental health....

Kind thoughts lovely missclaire

Grandy..