recent break up - not coping

[Sailorgirl]

Hi there, I am new, just joined up yesterday, I am not coping with a recent break-up. It is more than just heartache. 

I was in the relationship 5 years, he was "the one" and I accepted him with all his faults and wanted to make it work no matter what. I was always the one who put more effort into the relationship. 

Anyway, we broke up 2 weeks ago, and i feel like my anxiety and depresson has spiralled out of control. I have moved to my mums place, but my stuff is still at our unit (renting). I could stay there and he could leave, but I just have too many bad memories there.. can't stare at those walls on my own any longer. 

I went and saw my GP on the weekend, and she started me on antidepressants. I am on my 4th day of half dose. I haven't taken any days of work despite feeling quesy, nauseous, and sleepy everyday. I feel really out of it. 

Anyway, i am super struggling and very scared. I have my mum and a few friends chatting to me, but i feel very alone in this feeling. I miss him like crazy and I don't know what to do. I keep hoping for a reconciliation but deep down I know it's not going to happen. He just doesn't love me the way I loved him. It hurts so much. 

I don't know how to be alone, I have been thinking for two for the last 5 years. I don't want to move on, I don't want to meet people. I don't want to go out. At 33 I don't want the single life again. I don't want to go back to housemates and partying on Saturday night.. I know I don't have to, but I don't know how to be alone at this age. I have an admin job that will take me nowhere, but I am also a casual dance teacher (pays peanuts) and also am in the middle of finishing my cert 3 in fitness (super struggling with the pressure as I haven't been studying and getting no help). My motivation is down the toilet at the moment and I can't seem to do anything. 

I will see my doc again in a week so she can see how I'm going on the antideps, and I think i will go on the mental health care plan with her and start seeing a psychologist. I am sad that this is how my life had turned out and I don't know how to be happy.  I am scared I will be hurting for years and won't be able to move on from him. I am scared he will start seeing someone else straight away and be happy and married and I'll still be alone.. 

The sadness is just too much.. i want to be free 

[Sophie_M]

Hi littlepenguin, for safety reasons, we don't allow sharing of email or other personal offline contacts here on the forums.  This is a safe, anonymous space and you're welcome to continue chatting with our community here in this thread.

[Louelle11]

Hi

I am new to these forums and I’m feeling exactly the way you are now, I’d love to chat with you and have someone to talk to who is going through the same thing?

im 27 and going through my first breakup, I didn’t end it. I loved him with all I had but it was always me putting more effort into the relationship. 3 months ago he dumped me and I still can’t get over it. Im terrified of being single again.

if you want to chat I’m here x

[Louelle11]

Hi

Id love to talk to you, I’m going through exactly the same thing right now. My relationship was toxic, he always made me feel stupid and mocked me yet I still loved him so much even though it was me who made all the effort because I was terrified of losing him. It was my first relationship and 5 months ago he ended it, it hurt like hell and still does. I feel depressed, alone and cry a lot. My friends are all in relationships and I feel so lonely

I’m here to listen if you’d like to talk xo

[Louelle11]

Hi Bluebell1

i am in exactly the same position you are, it’s been 6 months since my breakup and I just can’t seem to shake this horrible feeling, it just hurts so much.

im here to talk if you’d like to

[Hal74]

Hi

I understand what it feels like to be in a toxic relationship.I am 20 years married and It was not my first relationship. The warning signs were there but there was good in the realtionship so I chose not to heed them. Sometimes, people are just not a good match and you need to move through the pain, however hard it is, because trust me, feeling good about yourself and feeling tnat you deserve to be happy matters for who you are is the best feeliing in the world. So, rise above your unhappiness ( its not easy) valueyourselve, have patience and keep yelling yourself you deserve better and it will happen, best of luck

[Louelle11]

Thanks so much for this reply, it has really helped me. I was the same, kept putting up with being unhappy because I was scared of being on my own and single again. But all this aside we had a lot in common and did get on well aside from me being made to feel stupid all the time. I know now that this is not healthy in a relationship as this was my first ever relationship I didn’t know what to expect and I guess thought it was normal.

i hope I come out stronger because of this and that I find someone I can love and be loved in return.

[Emma_White]

Well, good to see that since December 2017 nobody has had a break up, but here am I ((( Still, I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to talk about my feelings and what I'm coming right now through....

[Amanda2000]

Hi Emma,

2 very simple things I told myself that had helped me in the past:

1. The bad feelings will pass.

2. Good things are ahead in the future. I just can't see them yet.

[Emma_White]

Thanks, Amanda. Will try to follow your advice.

[geoff]

Hello Emma, many breakups between people always happen, but it's when we hold our feelings in, then they ferment and slowly build up which may cause trouble in trying to associate with another person, but if you want total about what's happened, then this discussion will open up why or how it happened.

If you know this, it seems to stop any triggers, because you either avoid them or know how to cope with them.

I'm really sorry.

Geoff.