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Partners addiction

Evvee
Community Member
I don't know if it's over thinking or if I'm over reacting. My partner smokes a fair bit of weed. When we started going out he had stopped and it was for a good couple of months until one of his friends gave him a little bit for helping him. Since then it hasn't stopped. We no longer go out for dinner, or lunch if we do his constantly on his phone or 'itching to get home'. Or he will go out stoned. I've made it clear more then once, I hate going out in public with him when his like that. I get this over whelming thoughts of an I not good enough to do this sober? Are you bored? Should I even bother? I've told him every now and then fine but everyday it's a joke. I get told all the time this is the last time I promise. I need to stop. I just need it cause I've had a hard day. I'm stressed. He won't tell me what his stressed about or if he does it's nothing that I can talk to him about bc he doesn't continue. His a different person. Quiet constantly on his phone. I can't touch him or anything. He doesn't drink as much as I do, but I don't do it every day. It's not something I want to do. I get told when we get home we will go for a walk a drive, we have plans for the weekend and there's always an excuse as to why we can't do it. I've told him more than once if your going to do it can yiu just tell me? The response I get it why do I need to tell you everything. He just brought me a pretty expensive promise ring. I felt over the moon like all my worries have disappeared. I got the whole I promise I will stop we will do this that and everything. But no. It's still going. I don't know what else to do. I feel like if you can't even promise to stop or at least slow down. Why are you promising me a future. He doesn't cheat go out and party which yea that's a great thing. But at the price of coming home everyday to nothing. It's hurting. His sister does it as well who we live with. I don't know how to approach it anymore. If I start I just get stop starting your shit. Or I'm coming crazy.
3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

I will refrain from saying what is right or wrong with smoking weed.

But I will highlight that the current situation you find yourself in is totally up to you to either rectify or move on.

His sister living with you isnt a good idea for many reasons let alone a bad influence or the "sharing" of the habit that wouldnt help.

If you feel that these promises will never eventuate then you have two options- leave or stay and accept the consequences. If you stay I'd suggest eventually you'll leave.

You could visit you local GP for another opinion and advice. It wouldnt do harm.

What is a worry is he isnt listening to you and his promises, like many addicts, wont be fulfulled.

TonyWK

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Evvee~

You said at the start of your post "I don't know if it's over thinking or if I'm over reacting."

I'm afraid I'm going to be blunt, because you deserve the facts that answer that question though I suspect you know the answer already.

You met your partner, who had a history of using weed, and at the start he had stopped and all was good. Then the habit took hold again and he changed into a person for whom the habit was more important than you.

Sure to keep you quiet he made promises - never kept them even if he did in fact believe them at the time, he offered plans, but did not follow though, he even offered you a gift, but the in the long run that does not help at all.

Trying to get him to stop is not "your shit" nor are you "coming crazy". It simply shows a complete abusive disregard for your quite correct point of view and legitimate feelings.

To top it off you live with his sister, who is the same and makes things worse.

I guess there really only a few practical things you can do:

  • Stay and put up with it -and hope a miracle will happen
  • Leave, by yourself
  • Leave with him and see if you can get a change in environment to help plus -
  • Try to get your partner to recognize the problem of his addiction and and get proper help -addiction is a hard one and for many partners only leads to more distress and disappointment.

Reachout (for under 25s)
https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-help-a-friend-with-drug-addiction

or

Alcohol and Drug Counseling Online
https://www.counsellingonline.org.au/

Are pretty good places to start to get advice. If your partner is willing then he can use them too.

There is also the Alcohol and Drugs service in your state or territory.

Sorry I can't say you are overthinking or overreacting or it promise will all get better soon, I wish I could

Croix

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Evvee, and a warm welcome to the forums.

This isn't an easy topic to discuss as outlined by Tony and Croix, and when some people are stressed out, they rely on having an addiction to help them through, but this can certainly increase their vulnerability to needing it for whatever reason they believe.

If by giving you this expensive ring is a way for him expecting you to accept his weed addiction may or may not work for a short time, but at the moment you don't have a social life because this demand he has is controlling your life and that's not what you want.

Love can be stretched only so much but once it interferes with your own wants in life then a decision has to be made.

Telling someone who is addicted to stop can only benefit you to a certain degree, it's up to them to decide they want to stop.

I'm sorry.

Geoff.