Partner will not discuss or support me in dealing with inappropriate behaviour from his adult children and his friends
I know exactly what you are going though and understand how debilitating and limiting physical reactions - such as headaches - are.
There is one thing I would like to say. In your last post you seem to imply it is a failing in you, you are for example disappointing your husband. It really should be the the way around. Your first post pointed out how rude his family was, and how dismissive he was of your feelings.
They are the ones that are setting up the barriers, and expecting you to jump over them is simply unacceptable. Reasonable people understand - or try to anyway - and are supportive. Having to cope with those who are not is just about guaranteed to increase your symptoms.
Please try to regard yourself as a strong person dealing with heavy situations.
In passing I'd mention my psychiatrist assisted me quite effectively with my headaches and other physical problems though prompts on lifestyle and medication. Not having such a high level of headaches etc made for a lot less stress in itself.
You did the right thing for you today--you safeguarded your health. A sound decision and that's a win in my book.
I just wish you weren't in this situation, where the thought of a family gathering with your partner makes you so ill. I hope today wasn't too hard on you. I know what it's like ... you want them to go but at the same you kind of wish they would stay home with you.
This happened once with my husband and I and his family. Once was enough for my husband to take action to make sure that never happened again because he didn't really enjoy himself without me--he spent the time worrying about me and wishing I was there. You might find your partner starts to see the light after today.
I agree with Croix, none of this is on you. Don't forget that. You have nothing to feel bad about. There will be other opportunities when you are feeling stronger to try and sort this out, if that is what you want to do. It might be easier with a smaller group, on your turf, without the pressure of it being a holiday. Something to think about.
Kind thoughts to you
You are an amazing woman, contemplating making a lovely family occasion for your partner's sake after what his children have put you through.
It could be a real turning point but you must make sure you have your partner's unconditional and full support before you do this. Your friends will be a bonus but you need your partner more.
I would like to suggest that your partner talk to his children before the event. His family must know before they accept the invitation that it's important to you and your partner that everyone is respectful to each other while in each other's company. Your partner needs to tell his kids/family that you are going to a lot of effort and that he expects them to meet you half way. Your partner should be willing to explain that this is important to him. If they love their father as much as you love him, it could all work out.
I am glad that our support has made a difference in your life. Keep posting. I am happy to talk anytime x
As Summer rose says thinking of inviting them all to your place is an amazing idea. With your friends present too it might well work, though whatever happens you will find it a most taxing exercise. Still it is probably the best option you have. Would it be possible to have his father present too, or does that come with other problems?