Partner's drinking affecting relationship

[Mr_Walker]

Hi everyone - I haven't been on here for a few years! But I wondered if anyone could give me some different perspectives on this issue...?

My partner and I have been together for 21 years - Ive suffered from Anxiety and Depression most of my life but getting better at coping all the time. I used to drink a LOT before I got my Anxiety diagnosed but I haven't had a drink at all for something like 12-14 years.

My wife though has been drinking more as she's gotten older (we're both 44). She drinks every day and drinks excessively (like falling down drunk) once a week or so. She realises she drinks too much but she doesn't show any signs of slowing or stopping - I've pretty much given up on the hope that she will stop.

But MY problem is how much it bugs me - I feel like I'm being unreasonable (and that may be the case) in wanting her to stop drinking - I don't want to be controlling or demanding - and it seems extreme of me (which it may be) to be remotely considering ending a 20+ year relationship over it - but more and more I feel like I can't deal with it.

I guess I would like to hear other people's opinions on this - is it unreasonable of me to demand that someone else stop drinking? Is it unreasonable of HER that she keeps drinking, knowing how much it's affecting our relationship? (We've discussed it a lot). Is there a different way I should be looking at the whole issue?

I know I'm in the minority in society being a total non drinker and it feels unreasonable to demand that of someone else... I've been trying to NOT let it bug me so much over the past few years but it's not working!

Many thanks for listening!

[imdone]

Hi, everything you said resonates with me. Been married 20 years, hubbys drinking has always been an issue. We have had plenty of wild fights over the years because of it. He just doesn't recognize or want to, that the only issue we have is him drinking too much.

He thinks that because he doesn't drink every day, he doesn't have a problem. He fails to see that its a problem because he gets drunk at least once, sometimes more, every weekend.

I've talked till I'm blue in the face about it, he apologises, says he'll try harder, but nope, the very next weekend..BOOM

I really don't know what to do anymore..

[geoff]

Hello Imdone, and a warm welcome and thank you for posting your comment and what you have told us is a common problem when someone drinks to excess.

Not drinking every day doesn't mean that he has a problem because he overindulges over the weekend and refuses to accept how you are feeling, denial is always a great problem and he can't compare himself to anybody else, that's not the issue and the same applies to if he believes he is entitled to become intoxicated only on the weekend because he denies he is doing anything wrong, well what about his marriage.

You can't grab hold of a slippery rope trying to keep a marriage alive.

Geoff.