Partner put us in legal and financial risk, what do I do?
Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums and looking for some advice.
Through a number of bad decisions and new strict laws in place, my husband had his driving license suspended, and more recently, was caught driving while suspended which has led to a court order and our car being impounded. I didn't know about the license suspension for a few months as he never told me. He has put us at financial risk through a series of bad financial decisions related to the suspension and with the potential loss of his job due to the above (I work full time as well). I am trying to forgive him for making these mistakes (we all make mistakes) and I am working with him to secure a lawyer for the court order.
However, I am struggling with whether or not the above behaviours indicate that I should move on and leave him to sort out his own problems. I am trying to be supportive but I am so angry and hurt that he's done this, that it feels like he hasn't thought about the consequences or impact of his actions. Today he didn't go into work and stayed in bed watching TV feeling sorry for himself, and took a loss of pay as a result (despite me reminding him that we need the money to cover lawyer fees and fines).
While I understand the impact that this has on his mental health and well-being and want to be supportive, I am also growing quite cold towards him. I have made it clear to him that it is not the mistake that matters to me, but his efforts in rectifying it. I don't know how to be supportive of him and take care of myself when I feel like I have to push him to make it right. I have even said to him that if I don't see efforts, I'm not going to stick around any longer and I have tried to set clear expectations as to what making it right looks like for me. He has said to me that what has happened has had a big impact on him, and I'm trying to be understanding and encourage him to seek therapy (which he is refusing) but at the same time, I feel as though he's made a very serious mistake, and he needs to push through his bad feelings and make an effort to fix it.
I feel like a villain, and yet also feel like I'm the only one who is trying to ensure we don't lose the house, or any other consequences from his actions. Every time I try and talk to him, his response is 'I know' but he doesn't offer any solutions on what he's going to do to fix this situation (even when I offer ways).
What more can I do, or am I handling this wrong? Any help would be really appreciated.
Your post appears to paint a serious situation that dounfs like nothing has made an impact on him.
I do see a connection as a male in that ultimatums work in reverse edpecially if he has any deptessive disorders. Again if you place ptessure on him to see a doctor he possibly will do the reverse.
He knows the consequences of his actions. Getting found to have driven while suspended and losing the car, he knew he'd be in trouble...hence his mental state of giving up.
I'm concerned for his welfare. What seems as laziness etc could be some level of depression.
Whether you decide to leave or not is totally your decision. It does seem the easy option though. It depends on so many factors.
A visit to your GP is a good step. If he wont attend vounseling dont rule out going by yourself.
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