Dear Martoner~
Welcome here to the Forum - a good move as you will see others have been in the same horrible situation. It is very easy not only to feel the grief, worry and loss of the separation, but also be all at sea as to what's best to do, there is no road map after all.
Before I go any further I'd like it ask what sort of support you have at the moment? Trying to cope with all this by yourself in an empty house is very hard indeed. At least your partner has her mum. Do you have anyone for you, a family member or friend perhaps? It makes a big difference.
I was the other side of the coin, with depression and other mental health matters making me want to withdraw, at the same time blaming myself for just about every thing, low self esteem and not even understanding truly what I was doing or why. I even found I could not tell if I loved or not.
It was very difficult for my partner, who at first felt she was in some way responsible for my behaviour and was frightened to do anything. Very fortunately I eventually sought medical help and my behaviour was explained to her by my psychiatrist as a set of well known symptoms, not her at all.
After that she gained confidence and tried to cope with me as best she could, not easy as my reactions were inconsistent, accepting it when she asked how I was one day, responding with anger and resentment the next.
She did have her mum, which made a huge difference, giving practical household support as well as love and emotional support and encouragement too.
I guess the two things that stand out from that time were firstly I knew she was there for me, a fixture in my mental wilderness, and secondly the realization I could not 'fix' myself and only started to improve when I had competent medical assistance.
May I ask if your partner has been diagnosed and is under treatment? If not then I would think the very best thing you could do is encourage her to seek it. If you are not the right person to do that then perhaps someone else like her mum?
You will be pleased to know I am now pretty much the person I was before, still under treatment, but loved and loving, welcoming my partner's company and confident and gain satisfaction from my life and work.
I hope to hear back from you
Croix
