Partner has anxiety and depression and keeps thinking I'm cheating: I'm not!
Hello Moocow, and a warm welcome to the forums.
I understand the predicament you are in and feel very sorry that your trust has been broken and no matter what answers or reassurances you say back to him may not suffice and whether his anxiety and depression is a cause of this, although I'm not qualified to
This isn't any fault of your's but something your partner needs help with and realise that all of us are allowed to communicate with other people and perhaps joint counselling would be appropriate.
One person I know didn't understand that it was him that needed the help and not his spouse/partner and unfortunately he didn't get the assistance.
What I'm worried about is how you will cope with this, you've posted this comment and hope you can print it out when you are able to see your doctor.
Can I leave it there and hope to hear back from you.
We have been to couples counselling and I found it very helpful. My partner did not. I believe that it is because the counsellor wasn't agreeing with what my partner was expressing but was challenging him and he didn't like that. He stormed out of one of our sessions. On the way home in the car we had a screaming match and he made me pull over where he got out of the car and started to walk. He ended up getting back in the car. My partner is very much a narcissist and almost has a presentation of seeing himself as being almost grandiose.
We had a couple of individual counselling sessions. I found mine very helpful. My partner didn't believe that the counsellor did anything to help. I disagree.
I get so riddled with an anxious feeling in my stomach when he carries on like he is currently. I feel like if I try to defend myself against these latest accusations that I am looking guilty but then if I don't defend myself I also look guilty. Damned if I do and damned if I don't.
Hello Moocow, thanks for getting back to us.
I'm sorry of what's happened in the joint counselling and for him deciding that seeing the counsellor was no help at all, simply because it can still be harmful and damaging in your relationship.
If he thinks above you then a problem will be maintained, especially when he isn't prepared to listen to logic and only believes what he thinks is right, but this becomes annoying and makes the situation tiring, so you need to look after yourself and continue with your counselling.
Have you thought of having a break from each other?
I have just read your thread and understand you are coping with a difficukr situation.
I am glad that Geoff offered youbsupportive suggestions.
I am glad you are seeing a counsellor and hope you can keep seeing a counsellor individually.
It feels so unfair to be accused of cheating when you have done nothing and so frustrating when you try to defend yourself.
The trouble is you are always having to,prove your innocence and constantly justify yourself.
I understand he has anxiety and depression and now his behaviour is affecting you and making you anxious as you never know when he will accuse you next.
it is important that you look after yourself .
I wonder like Geoff mentioned if you have thought of having time away from each other and if that would be possible.
We actually have time apart all the time as my partner works away from home. He leaves home Monday lunch time and comes back home early Friday morning. So we do get a break. However due to him being away, I believe he has too much time to be able to think and dwell on things or look into anything and everything.
I have 2 children from a previous relationship (9 and 13), we just bought a house together last year in September so not really able to have the time apart option.
I haven't been to counselling for a couple of months but perhaps you and Geoff are right and I should continue with it.
Hi Moocow, Quirky and I really appreciate hearing back from you, so thank you, it's good to know a little bit more about your situation and if possible can I reply back to you tomorrow as I start very early in the morning.
I hope others will reply back to you today.
Hi Moocow, for your partner to leave you on Monday is going to make him think of what may be happening, but his imagination is going to cause negative thoughts so he has to try and turn these around and think of what you both have achieved together, you've bought a house together, a huge commitment and that's what he has to think of, alterations, painting etc.
To dwell is to think
A bad obsession thinking of what may happen will only lead to negative thoughts, behaviour that hasn't occurred, ask him to change his mind and for him to recognise those bad thoughts will only increase his anxiety and depression.
Tell us about your house if you want to and what you have planned on doing.