Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Parenting marriage.......

Community Member

Hi guys,

Long story but will keep it short. I have been in a relationship with a guy for 6 months. He lives with the ex still. Still married, no relationship, not separated, together under the same roof financially and for the kids. He is FIFO, 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. He pays for the mortgage and the bills. She works fulltime.

I accepted this as i was told the relationship was amicable. Sure doesn't seem that way now.

Every time we make plans she undermines them. When he comes home from up north she tells him her social plans and that's it. If he and I have plans that clash we cancel.....every time. He never stands up to her because he is "scared of her".

He says he loves me and wants a future with me but I am constantly feeling unimportant. I am feisty, he is my polar oposite. In my humbel opinion i think he has depression.

I know the kids are priority and I have never disputed that. But where will I fit in? Am i a mistress? I have asked him these things up front and he denies and makes promises he never keeps. Small ones. The big ones - things are a bit early for those.

Any help is appreciated. Ask any questions as well.



12 Replies 12

Thanks Geoff,

Today is going to suck just like yesterday.

We will be talking on the phone in a little while. I would rather do it face to face but I cry, he cries.

I am really angry that when we first met he told me everything but painted a completely different picture of an amicable relationship with the ex. I would not have bothered at all if I knew then what I do now.

Thanks everyone for everything. You have been wonderful.



Well his situation went to napalm 2 days ago


Community Member

So.... He was to visit me Monday night. I was at the Dr getting seen to because of the health problem. Also had a massive anxiety attack as I was going to dump him that night.

His ex was very late home so he couldn't get to my place, (kids). No problems. Then their fight started.

She is moving out. Proceedings are happening. She admitted to him she can't handle him being happy after how the relationship part of the marriage ended.

I admitted to something which has hurt and angered him, (hypocritically I might add), just to add to the poor guys anguish. I feel like dirt.

I suggested we take the rest period, on hold, space thing. He agreed as he needs to regroup and wrap his head around the sudden change of events. He was sad as I suggested we don't talk for a while. He said we will talk again soon. We aren't going to date other people and we haven't ended things. Things still might end I do not know. I hope not.

He admitted to having been depressed for a very long time because after he destroyed the marriage, the ex destroyed his self esteem over the course of the "amicable" 8 year period.

I told him as I said goodbye two days ago I am here for him, for anything he needs, anytime he needs it. That 1.5 hour phone call was full of tears from both of us.

I feel so lost, exhausted, depressed, worried, anxious and my mind is a complete mess etc. I am worried for them all.

I miss him so much as well but I understand to just stay away until he is ready.

(Hope that makes sense. I have only had a couple of hours sleep due to bush fire evacuations too, just to add to it).

Chocolate time.........