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Community Member

Hi everyone,

thanks for reading my post 🙂 bit of a long one and titled overwhelmed because that’s how I feel. I just want to cry but can’t.

currently in Vic under stage 4 restrictions. My situation is I am separated (under one roof as we both on the mortgage and neither can afford to move out until I go back to work). My marriage was 15 years, we’ve been separated 5 months. Have two children under 4 yrs old.

i feel in a good place and do not want to get back together with my ex husband (he cheated numerous times amongst other issues) but I’m struggling sharing the house with him even if we don’t stay in the house at the same time (we literally leave as soon as the other is home).

the days are long and isolating with my children by myself at home. I love them and adore them but it’s so hard and they’re being affected by our separation, so coping with their emotions especially our eldest is difficult (I have 75% care).

a positive is I have finally found a job in this pandemic climate so going back to work next week, but stressing over settling the children into childcare and finances now I’m relying on myself.

I'm also in a new relationship (3 months) with a man who is absolutely wonderful to me, so supportive, kind. He has respected my boundaries around my kids but he has his own issues. He is also separated with two older children but his ex has taken out an interim IVO and he cannot see his children until they go to court. He has taken full responsibility for his marriage breakdown and been very transparent with me. He has depression and ADHD, is on anti depressants and seeing psychologist/psychiatrist. I’ve just come back from visiting him where for the first time I witnessed him being angry (Not towards me or a person) and to be honest it made me second guess is this the right relationship or person to introduce to my own children? I realise we are in the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship but I really love being with him, I just feel he I has a lot going on right now. We had a massive chat yesterday which was really helpful but now I’m home I just feel flat and down and like everything I’m going through is just too much to deal with.

i wish there was no coronavirus restrictions going on, my children were happy, I was working and living by myself and my new relationship was smoothly going but all I feel is everything is so difficult 😞 I’m seeing a psychologist which is helpful and have some support around me which is good.

13 Replies 13

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Paisley1516 said:

Hi eco mama,

thank you. Yes of course a home with someone with an interim IVO would not be seen as safe for children.
it has only been 3 months, living together is not even a possibility or plan or even in my thoughts right now, if ever.

i own my own home and it is not something I ever want to give up.

Yes it's a long time till the children turn 18y.
There are definitions of "defacto" that may astound people... something like... you only have to spend 3 nights a week to be termed defacto.... same Family Laws apply to these relationships as for married couples. I think it's much the same Australia wide.

Have you come to a Property Agreement with your (ex) husband over the home?
eg is he or you going to buy the other out?

WLS are awesome. I hope you can get some questions lined up to call them. There seems like alot has to be worked out yet.


I couldn’t get through to the women’s line so called legal aid this morning. They said there is no effect on my care situation with exHusband by the interim IVO places on my partner.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

That's a very inexperienced response from legal aid.

I know of women who've lost care of their children due to this in Family Law Court / Federal Circuit Court. Not one, many. Total sh** fight to get access to the children afterwards.

To anyone else looking from the outside in, it seems like you're going from one abusive partner to the next.

Ofcourse everything is your choice. The consequences of your choices are also yours.

Best wishes

Wow. Harsh.

thanks for that.