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Overall fail in marriage but Current bedroom issues

Community Member

I've read a number of threads now about simalar issues but none really come near mine so hear we go... I've never posted a thread so forgive if it's confusing. Haha

Me and my wife are basicly together for our child we are completely opposite in almost every way but our situation keeps us together. It's just to hard to split.

We just live life and move forward day by day. She Is a very sexual person so we still have sex regularly but I have a ongoing issue that keeps coming up.

Sometimes well most times lately i am unable to get or if I do maintain an erection. (Only when it comes to sex) I would like to say this is because of our relastionship breakdown but I've had this issue with previous girlfriends.

I don't have a medical issue I'm sure it's in my head but as its been on and off for years so I'm no longer sure what to do. 

i have previously tried Viagra but sometimes Id get to anxious and even that doesn't work. My wife just expects me to function, so that doesn't help.

where do I go from here forget my marriage how do to get past this issue??

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Justadad~

Thank you for coming here to the Forum, I'd like to welcome you and say I can understand it may have been quite a hard post to write. Don't worry though this place has understanding and sympathy as we have all had problems of one sort of another. I didn't find it in the least confusing, quite clear in fact.

The following website lists causes and treatments and indicates this is a surprisingly widespread problem, perhaps you have looked at it already:


Although not terribly experienced I can say that during bouts of depression and anxiety I have not been able to function. Of course there is the possibility of straight physical causes too. So I guess the first thing to ask is if you have seen a doctor? If not it would definitely be my first step.

If it turns out to be due to anxiety or some related cause then treating that will hopefully make matters improve. I'd book a long appointment with your GP, set matters out in detail and see what happens. If you find the prospect of talking about this is worrying you just write everything down first and share the paper in the consultation.

Apart from that I'll point out the obvious, that there are many ways of having sex, not all of which involve an erection. Although you may not be always on the best of terms with your wife it may be possible to have a conversation with her about these alternatives, see if there is anything she would like or like to try. There may even be something you might think appealing yourself.

I do hope you feel able to reply and say what you think


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Justadad, if you are living with your wife, just for the sake of your child and have no other similarities, then it would seem obvious that to get sexually excited wouldn't be easy for you to perform, especially if you are being told by your wife that this is expected of you.
The more pressure put on you the worse the situation will become because your anxiety kicks in well before and the more you worry about it the worse it will get.
I can understand why you want to live together, but in terms of practicality wouldn't you be much happier if you didn't live together. Geoff.