Other woman claiming to be pregnant

[Orchard]

I have been in this relationship for better part of 10 years, my partner took a job at the start of the year which required him not to come home - early start, late finishes, then I found out that another female was there needless to say I had my suspicions. Then she messaged me saying she was pregnant with his child, we had been in a break to sort things out. He told me that he did indeed have relations with her but with no intention to be with her, however, she has threatened me, sent over 40 messages claiming he is kicking me out so she can move in, has vandalised his things, gone through everything blabbed around the town personal information. She claimed that she would provide test results, but it’s been three days and nothing, she refuses to do a DNA test on said child. I’m fearful because I don’t see her stopping until she gets what she wants which seems to be my life, the house etc. does anyone have any insight into what I should do? Ignore her until she can prove otherwise? Counseling? I’m struggling to see the end to which lengths she will go. I feel what she has sent is half truths and what she wants me to believe. She is going to the extent of driving past, wanting to confront me. I feel that she is claiming to be pregnant to keep him, I feel she needs some professional help.

[ecomama]

Dear Orchard

I'm really feeling for you. I know the feeling!

You can also call crimestoppers.... any time. They have been super great with my case. Esp when you can call the local police station and the phone rings out.

Police advised me to get a recording app on my phone because of all the death threats I was receiving.... it's come in handy more than once.

EM

[Orchard]

Oh, how horrible.

i think it may come to crime stoppers rather than the local police who seem to be tied into this particular group.

thank you for your advice

[Guest909]

Hi Orchard

For your information, Crime Stoppers are not the police. To my knowledge, Crime Stoppers are an independent, community not-for-profit organisation that interface between the public with the police. In other words, Crime Stoppers will refer your call to the local police, if police intervention is required.

Crime Stoppers may provide callers with general advice over the phone and help you connect to your local police.

[Orchard]

It has been over a month, with nothing, not a word, no results.
I feel so angry, so hurt, so betrayed and I can’t shake the feelings that I have. I think everything is going ok then another lie surfaces. Why can’t he just tell me the truth and it would save all the drama. I don’t know how to function normally with this looming, he hasn’t gone to the police so I’m highly sceptical about all of this on guard. I don’t know where to go from here. I have lost family and friends through all of this because they all backstabbed me and convoluting. I feel very low but for my kids I try as hard as I can to put on a brave face and tackle every day as it comes. Who knows what the future holds. I do know things have to change.

[ecomama]

Dear Orchard

Your feelings are completely normal under the circumstances and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Please phone 1800RESPECT any time. YOU are important and you are doing your best to be a good mum under extremely challenging pressures, NOT created by you.

That's not fair but Life is absolutely not fair.

Doesn't mean you have to take this crap on.

I'd bet my HOUSE that your partner is lying. Cheats ALWAYS lie.

If you ever need some light relief and some education around the wiley ways of cheaters, please visit Chumplady.com

I laughed through my tears reading this site.
I could also NAME every single technique the cheater was using when speaking to me because I was reading Chumplady.

You can also phone Women's Legal Service and get some free legal advice.

I did and I never have to put up with garbage from that thing again.

"Leave a cheater, gain a life" is Chumplady's motto. She's pretty freaking AWESOME.

TAKE CARE

EM

[Orchard]

Thank you,

I cannot get onto chumplady - server not found.

im seriously considering just leaving and I mean far far away.

what are the techniques they use, besides saying you’ve done it because they have a guilty conscious.

[ecomama]

I just put Chumplady into my search bar and the site came up alive and well.

It would take a book of me writing all the techniques cheaters use to fool us chumps but maybe you're feeling too stressed to read through that much stuff right now.

Please phone Women's Legal Service (WLS).

I hate to say it but women face issues just like yours all the time.

I know you feel like running away but this can land you in enormous trouble legally because of the kids.
And you'd be lucky to have anything from the sale of the house if you leave...

You need to find out where you stand.

I strongly suggest you phone 1800RESPECT before calling WLS.
The reason why you feel the need to run is because your "fright, flight, freeze" part of your brain has been activated big time and you want to run to safety. Your Amygdala has been activated.

This is completely NORMAL. You're scared to the core and want to feel safe again.

Please call those numbers. You should get through to talk to someone on the helpline but you may have to wait for a call back from WLS.

You need to get your "rational" brain back to deal with everything. Grounding exercises will help alot.

EM

[Guest909]

Hi Orchard

There seems to be two separate but related issues at play here.

• 1) The relationship between you and your partner.
• 2) An unbalanced third party (other woman) that has stalked you, destroyed your property and threatened you and you children.

In situations like this, the facts and the truth are open to interpretation. Nothing is clear-cut. You might be over-reaction or under-reacting to the situation, there is no way to be certain. It is a dangerous time for all involved.

As ecomama said above, "You need to get your "rational" brain back to deal with everything".

Of the two issues above, the second is the easiest to deal with. Tell your partner that you want this women out of your life. If he won't go to the police, you will know he is still cheating.

The first issue, is the difficult one. Is he still cheating and can you trust him? Only you can answer that question.

Can you explain why you have lost "family and friends through all of this", is something else going on?

[Orchard]

He will not go to the police until he wants to go until he sees fit, which is the first problem I see, and it’s hard to deal with and it makes me believe there is something more to the story although he is trying to repair the damage that has been done. He doesn’t speak to her I know that for a fact- I just want the truth as to why he isn’t going to the police or what she has on him. I’m highly suspicious.

Friends and family when they heard about this situation either they messaged the other woman (Which that person took her side and didn’t think twice) or wanted to message her which made a lot more friction.

I feel as though I’m being lied to by everyone, I understand that people care but it doesn’t help the situation at all.

[Guest909]

G'day Orchard

As I said in my previous post, "this is a dangerous time". The facts and the truth are open to interpretation. Is your partner lying to you? Is the other woman lying to you? Are your friends and family lying to you? The truth is, you have no way of knowing who the liar is.

The big issue in all of this is your partner's reticent behavior. If he is unwilling to address your concerns, something is amiss.

Unfortunately there are no easy answers.