Other woman claiming to be pregnant

[Orchard]

I have been in this relationship for better part of 10 years, my partner took a job at the start of the year which required him not to come home - early start, late finishes, then I found out that another female was there needless to say I had my suspicions. Then she messaged me saying she was pregnant with his child, we had been in a break to sort things out. He told me that he did indeed have relations with her but with no intention to be with her, however, she has threatened me, sent over 40 messages claiming he is kicking me out so she can move in, has vandalised his things, gone through everything blabbed around the town personal information. She claimed that she would provide test results, but it’s been three days and nothing, she refuses to do a DNA test on said child. I’m fearful because I don’t see her stopping until she gets what she wants which seems to be my life, the house etc. does anyone have any insight into what I should do? Ignore her until she can prove otherwise? Counseling? I’m struggling to see the end to which lengths she will go. I feel what she has sent is half truths and what she wants me to believe. She is going to the extent of driving past, wanting to confront me. I feel that she is claiming to be pregnant to keep him, I feel she needs some professional help.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Orchard

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you are in such a difficult situation. My heart goes out to you.

I agree that she needs professional help and feel like you need protection. I'm wondering how your partner feels about her behavior? Do you see this as a situation where he could help by asking her to back off and asking her to stop contacting you?

It sounds as though the situation is causing you a lot of stress, worry and fear. It might be good for your health to have a chat with your GP or a counsellor just to give you some extra support.

If it was me, I think I would block her from my phone and social media and not give her any space in my head. I would concentrate on direct communication with my partner.

Kind thoughts to you

[Guest909]

Hi Orchard

Welcome to Beyond Blue; I hope you find the answers you are looking for on the forum.

From what you have shared; I think you have summed up the situation very well. Apart from what your partner has told you, whatever you hear from this woman has to treated as suspicious and unreliable. In your words; "half truths".

As to what you should do; that depends on you, your partner, and what you want into the future knowing what you know as fact. From the outside looking in, I see two immediate actions that you can take. I don't think ignoring her is an option.

1) Have a word to your partner and tell him what is going on - if he is committed to you, he will put an end to the threats and the drive- pasts. If that does not work, then go to option 2.

2) Seek and Intervention Order (IVO)

The text messages and the drive-pasts should be more than sufficient to secure an IVO. If you are not sure, go down to your local police station and tell them what is going on. They will look into the matter and issue an IVO on your behalf, if they think it is appropriate. At the very least, it can't hurt to talk to them.

In regard to the DNA test, just ignore it for what it is. A DNA test will require a sample from you partner. Without such a sample, there can be no DNA test; enough said.

Try not to get caught up in her drama. She can claim whatever she likes; that does not make it true.

I'm happy to help out if you have any questions!

[Orchard]

He is furious that she has caused so many problems within such a short period of time, and thinks it was her right to sabotage our belongings, the police are yet to be involved, he has cut all contact with her. Yes I have contacted my psychologist just awaiting an appointment.

[Orchard]

I think that if she isn’t ignored she will continue due to her obvious mental instability and the fact what she believes in true, it’s dangerous at best. Considering she can’t provide evidence I do believe this is somewhat of a joke to try and get him back to be the partner and father to her child that she endeavours to seek and at any cost including ruining my family, and then she becomes a risk to our children, which is what I’m most afraid of: from what I gather she will see them as a threat if he says: leave me and my family alone, and the mentally of you chose her over me how dare you. It’s very scary.

[Guest909]

If she is a threat to you and your family, you can't stand back and do nothing. The problem will not go away, but it can get worse. If this woman is mentally unstable; there is no telling what she might do.

I would think that the text messages, the destruction of property, and the drive-pasts would be sufficient grounds for an IVO. Go and have a talk your you local policeman. They might have a word with her.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Orchard

For what it's worth, my cousin once found herself in a similiar position to you. In her case, the other woman destroyed property and harassed. She chose to ignore her; no police. After her attempts to destroy the marriage failed she disappeared. My cousin got lucky.

At the time, I advised my cousin to go to police and I suggest you consider it, too. The reason I suggest that is it's impossible to know if the other woman is going to escalate and there is genuine reason to take action to protect your family.

I can only imagine how hard it is for you to be afraid for yourself and your children. Please take good care.

Kind thoughts to you

[Orchard]

It is very difficult to pre empt what she may or may not do. The police will have to be involved with what she has destroyed so far. I feel really sorry for her and how mentally ill she must be to think all this is okay to try and destroy a family. I know she attaches herself to anyone that shows any sign of affection whether it’s reciprocated or not. But I don’t want to make it dangerous for my children either, I’m in two minds about the whole thing.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Orchard

Maybe just sit with it for awhile. You don't have to rush anything. Your psychologist should be helpful and hopefully it will become clearer in time.

In the meantime, please be kind to yourself, as you're going through such a tough experience. Pamper yourself, love yourself and give yourself a pat on the back for doing your very best to keep yourself well and find a safe path through for you and your family.

Kind thoughts to you

[Orchard]

Thank you very much, at this point in time my children are my priority everything else is halted and can wait. Just have to wait it out, and see what comes of all of this.