Not sure if I want to be with my boyfriend anymore.
Hey everyone, this is my first time posting on here and I could really use some help. I’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years now and I’m no longer sure if this is what I want. I feel like having that doubt is already indicative enough of what I should be doing.
My BF and I have had a pretty great relationship so far. We’ve had some bumps along the way (family problems on both sides mainly, and I’ve had some major depression/anxiety issues) but we’ve gotten through it all. We’ve also been living together for about a year as well. He’s been an absolute rock in regards to my anxiety and depression.
Lately though, there’s been a few occasions (mainly during/after arguments) where I’ve questioned whether this is right for me. Like I said earlier, that already makes me feel like it’s wrong.... but is this a common feeling people have? 😕
I really love him, but there’s been a few occasions where there’s been something that bothers me and when I try and talk about it, it’s supposedly either a stupid thing to be upset about or i just need to not be so sensitive. I do think some of the things have been trivial, but I also think that if you’re in a relationship with someone, you should be able to talk about things that bother you without being made to feel like you’re acting like a child or just being too sensitive. Sometimes I feel as though my worries aren’t taken seriously and that maybe there’s someone else out there who wouldn’t make me feel bad for being annoyed by things. I end up feeling pretty bad though because I know my BF hasn’t put up with a lot more than potentially any other BF would.
The other problem we’re having is that he’s currently here on a Visa, and whenever we talk about applying for his next Visa as a couple, he brings up that he’s not sure if that’s going to happen mainly because his family is overseas etc., but it makes me upset because I’m in a position where I don’t know if this person I’m building a life with is going to decide to stay with me or just leave me.
Apart from this I just find myself getting annoyed more often at things he says/does. Like things that never bothered me before about him annoy me now, and I don’t know if this is just a phase or if it’s a sign that this isn’t right for me. 😞
Firstly, welcome to the forums.
It doesn't sound like your mental health concerns have interrupted your relationship in anyway which is good, it is more so sounds like it's just a combination of little things that have added up between you both and you have to try and work through them. In the end I think looking at it like this, if you were to break up, do you think you would miss him too much that you would want him back? Little things always annoy partners, I think that comes with living with someone, could even be a friend who you love dearly. Once you live with them or even holiday with them, little things they do just annoy you, but you try to move on from them and not let them affect you.
Is it worth trying a relationship counsellor?
My best for you and your partner,
If he can't decide, then you're trying to build an r/ship that could quite easily end, and if he does leave then you will be more upset.
To fall in love with someone that may go back to their home country only means that it maybe a temporary love, and imagine how you will feel when you are waving him good-bye.
His decision will need to be made at some particular time, so make your decision beforehand. Geoff.
HI Jay and Geoff, thanks for your replies!
i just wanted to give you an update on what’s happened... turns out I no longer have to make any decisions. My BF broke up with me after a ridiculous fight over something trivial, so I’ll be moving back home. This is the worst feeling I’ve ever felt, and it’s definitely the worst thing that’s happened to me since I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression. I’m so lost. I saw a future with this person, and now it’s done and over just like that. 😞
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through a hard time. It's devastating when relationships don't work out, especially under the kind of pressure that it seems you were facing.
Even when it feels like the sadness is really dragging you down, remember that time can be a great healer. How about having a go at talking to your friends and family, or even drag a few friends out to chat to? (even not about the break-up) As much as it's important to feel sadness as a part of life, you're still allowed to smile sometimes etc when you're going through hard times.
Good luck. We all get lost sometimes, but you can still find your way to a happier place 🙂
Don't give up your chances just yet, it may make him decide on what he will do in the future, remember if you loved him then he loved you and would also be feeling the pain.
Try and contact him. Geoff. x