No attachment to my kids

[Guest_989]

So I'm borderline (BPD) and have two children 4 and 18 months...both girls.

They have lived with their mother since Feb last year when she left me.

Although I love my children, and support them financially I have no bond or attachment to them.

I have no desire to see them, or be apart of their lives.

I don't come from a broken home, my folks are still together and I have normal relationship with them and my older sister.

When I lived with my kids, I never had an attachment to them, or bond it's not something that occurred after they left.

I would avoid coming home, and when I was at home would distance myself from them. I always felt uncomfortable, nervous, anxious around them, and felt forced spending time with them.

I was undiagnosed BPD, and struggling heavily at the time.

But now that I'm in control of my emotions, and am quite happy in myself....I still do not want to be apart of their lives. I declined to see them today, even though I was off work

I don't really think about them, nor do I miss them.

Im seeing a BPD specialist psych for the first time on Wednesday, and hoping she can shed some light on this, because I know as a person this is not right, but seem to be rather carefree about the whole thing

I know there is many people on here with BPD, both males and females. Is this a typical trait for borderlines? Or is there something else at play here?

Confused, but not emotional.

[Guest_989]

It was good, went last night.

She says I'm ahead of any of her patients in terms of recovery

She said that as I see things in black and white, as both daughters were prem I never got to experience a normal birth, the build up, excitement, and the no issues to worry about in terms of development.

That and the fact I was denied my paternal right by having a mother in law constantly present for both during the early time with them I never developed the bond/paternal instincts most have

She said she wasn't surprised in the slightest I have no emotional bond to them

[CMF]

Hi Az,

well, sounds like she was pretty much on the ball and straight to the point one your first visit. It makes sense too. How do you feel knowing this and what has she suggested for you moving forward? Do you feel it went well overall?

cmf

[Guest_989]

It's nothing I didn't already know I guess.

She thinks it'll be a long time before I can get that bond, and a lifetime of self control techniques to maintain it

Tbh I feel great at the moment and question whether I really want them in my life at all

As horrible as that sounds

[CMF]

Hi there,

I see you've changed your name here. I appreciate your honesty in how you feel and as you've established their is a background story to why yo feel this way. Will you keep seeing the psych, do you feel you would like to overcome this? It will be a journey as she said.

How are things going with the plans to possibly move the girls overseas? Any advancement on that?

Hope your day was good.

cmf