New Career, New Priotities

[RctBogus]

Hey guys, this is the first time I've decided that I don't think I can handle this in my own. My situation is this: I'm 29 years old and 8 years into a relationship which has no children but lots of pets, and we share mostly everything. I have also worked in the same easy-ish job for 8 years and my gf has always been my priority, and the most exciting thing in my life. Her life has been extremely difficult in the last 5 years with the death of her mother and the seperat ion from her father, who kicked us out of the family home to move his new family in. I've never really been thrilled with our sex life and I've always looked for other things to fulfil my life (golf, video games, football etc.) but things have changed a lot in the last month or so. I applied for the Vic Police and finally got in after 2 years, and I thought everything would improve when I got the job. The 2 years of waiting were full of optimism and positivity with the concept of a new change, but now that I'm in, I'm having the most amazing time with my new mates and my priorities have vastly changed, and I'm not sure what to do.

[Kathryne]

Hi

Welcome to Beyond Blue.

From your post , I am thinking that you're relationship with your girlfriend has been on rock ground for Sometime? How does your girlfriend feel about the changes occurring currently.

I feel that you need to talk about what you both want out of the relationship and decide on the direction your future together will take.

No children choice or something else ?

Regards Kathryne

[PatT]

Hi RctBogus,

Priorities change, people change, times change. It's not your fault that you're feeling different with the change of career and the relationship sounds comfortable, not necessarily guaranteed to last forever. I've been in comfortable relationships that didn't necessarily look like they were going to be forever, they were just comfortable and familiar. I think you have to have a conversation with your spouse about where the both of you are, maybe why things haven't moved particularly far and where you want everything to go.

[geoff]

hi RctBogus, hope that you are still checking your post.
So you have replaced sex with golf, video games etc in other words your sex life wasn't enjoyable, so I wonder why the both of you hadn't tried to spice it up, and actually I have googled exactly this and the suggestions are enormous on the net, but for me well I'm 61 and live by myself so it won't do me any good, but for you at the age of 29 I would have talked about it to my wife/partner even though it maybe embarrassing to begin with, because it assumes that she is not performing well, well not really it takes 2 to tango.
Actually my sex life was not the best after 25 years of marriage and I was too scared to raise the issue,so what I have just said is thrown out the window.
Now with this new job it's exciting for you, a new challenge so you're just replacing your sex with meeting these new mates and what you can do and what you can't do, so it seems as though this has replaced or taken over from having sex.
I realise that she has lost her mother which I'm so sorry for and is also trying to rebuild a relationship back with her dad so this does take a toll on any relationship, but if she is what you want for the future you need to talk about where your life is sitting. Geoff.