Hi Damien2812 and welcome to the forums,
My gut reaction in a nutshell... You need to talk to your fiance as soon as possible.
Was I nervous? Yes. Absolutely terrified.
But was I doubting whether I loved him or whether marriage is what I wanted? No.
Marriage is a massive commitment. It isn't easy. Sometimes it is absolutely crap. If you're not sure whether this is the person you want to raise a family with or grow old with then it is time for a serious discussion.
Will she be devestated and hurt and upset... Hell yes.
But you need to decide is better to start out honest and work through this together or to bottle it up now and have to hurt her later if you decide you've made a mistake.
Whatever you decide I wish you well.
Hi Damien 2812
you seem to be able to pin point when you started having these thoughts, what else was happening in your life then that may have impacted your thinking? Are there factors in your life history that might scare you about marriage?
quercus has given good advice. You need to address this with your fiancée. And have an open discussion. And be gentle with you both
If I had ever decided to get married, I believe that I would be somewhere where you are right now before getting married. The reason is that I have unrealistic expectations of that elusive soulmate, that person out there who is absolute perfection for you, who never makes you angry, never has a cross word for you, never bores you etc etc. but the fact is, that’s not real life. Your partner is, like you, human. And humans are imperfect. And I have a tendency to doubt that and whether that means we’re not meant to be. I once heard a quote that I think is a good test. Your partner is not the person you want to spend Friday night with, it’s the person you want to wake up and spend your Saturday with. I think the most important question you asked was, do you love your girlfriend? Do you see her in your future? What were the reasons that made you want to propose? There may be people out there who are more right for you, but marriage is about choosing to commit to that person every day.
Hi Damien, and welcome to the site.
Sometimes it's not about the person you are going to marry but coming to terms with leaving a life where you could make a decision by yourself, do what you wanted to do, dress how you like and go out at night all by yourself, but once you get engaged and plan for a wedding, then this means that the two of you will need to make a decision, agree or have an argument about what to do.
Can I ask whether these negative thoughts have become an obsession because it could make you feel anxious about your relationship, checking up on your partner, thinking whether you really love her, or does she love you, but perhaps it's not your relationship that is the problem, but these obsessions are giving you trouble, rather than a problem with your relationship.
Welcome to the forums and good work on using this site as a means of help. I too have recently joined and find it to be a great means of getting advice. It seems (correct me if i'm wrong) that the underlying issue is finance. This is a common theme among many couples wanting to get married. You should discuss with your fiance your financial situation and how getting into debt will affect your immediate future. Perhaps getting a home loan is something you may wish to explore in the not too distant future. Before that however, you need to seriously ask yourself if her need for a property is what is generating these thoughts of not loving her.
Hope that makes sense and hope it helps. If you need anything we are here for you
Hi Damien, thanks for your reply.
The psychologist should be able to indicate what sort of disorder you have, if not then your GP would be able to tell you, so it's best for you to know so the appropriate treatment can begin.
These thoughts you are having are very strong, so we need to help you through this process.
If your psychologist is unable to tell you then perhaps you need to speak with your doctor who