Need an advice

[Just_me85]

I need some advice please.

When me and my husband fight, he always raise his voice and calling me names and swearing at me infront of our kids and telling the kids that I'm evil which the kids does'nt believe him. The kids will tell him to stop getting angry but he will just continue raising his voice and blame me for everything. He always threatens me that if I will take the kids away from him he will call the police for kidnapping my own kids.

My question is will I get in trouble if I take my kids away from him? I'm planning to get a divorce because I can't really live with him anymore after 10years of being together. I'm stress allday and losing alot of weight because of the problem that I'm going through with him. He said I'm depressed person and I should blame myself for being depressed.

[Guest_7403]

If there's no court orders in place then you can't get in any trouble for taking the children.

But it works vice versa...he too can take them from you if he chooses

Once you leave, start the mediation process for the kids

[Juliet_84]

Just_me85,

Your husband seems to have an abusive edge in his behaviors, particularly in arguments. At the very least he has some extremely unhealthy behaviors, which are not ok. I think that some people need to realize that there are still rules in an argument towards your partner. Name calling and threatening behaviour is not ok, neither is telling your children that you are evil and involving them in an adult argument. His threat that he will take the children away from you if you separate is extremely manipulative. He is wielding your love of your children to keep you under his control. I personally never understand controlling behaviour as I think, wouldn’t you prefer to treat someone nicely so that they WANT to stay rather than make them feel so terrible that they think they have no choice but to stay, but that’s not how their mind works. The good news is that you do have a choice, you can always leave, and there is no reason why you would lose access to your children (although other people who have more experience with the family court system may be good here). Do you have any support at the moment?

[Betternow]

Hello_me85

Your situation sounds terrible and I can understand why you wish to end your marriage.

Juliet_84 is correct when she writes that your husband is employing manipulative tactics to keep you in the marriage.

The welfare of the children is paramount of course, and family law says that both parents are seen as potential guardians and caregivers. Your husband has no legal right above you to have sole care of the children subject to a court order saying otherwise.

I would advise seeking professional support from both a legal and emotional standpoint before you take any decisive action. There are church sponsored organisations that you could contact with a view to making an appointment. Other posters may have more specific information on where to turn.

Once you have a clearer picture of the way forward, you will have more confidence in carrying out your plan.

[Just_me85]

Thank you

[Just_me85]

Hi Juliet,

No, I don't have any support at the moment. I don't have any family member here. I think that is one reason why it's easy for him to treat me like a piece of crap. I'm an Asian and I've been here in Australia for 7years and for that 7years I experienced being physically and mentally abused by him and mentally abused by him and his family.

[Just_me85]

Thank you for the reply. I'll do a research about the church organisations. Thank you again.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Justme85,

Thank you for your recent post to the beyondblue community forums. We are so sorry to hear that you are in such a difficult situation with your husband. It must be overwhelming to be in this situation and not feel that you have support in place. We think you are so strong and want to thank you for having the bravery for reaching out to our community.

We want you to know that there is always support when you need it. There is a lot of help available to you to assist you in this type of situation, so we are writing to you to strongly urge you to contact 1800 RESPECT.

1800 RESPECT
- https://www.1800respect.org.au/
- open 24 hours to support people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse
- phone number: 1800 737 732

1800 RESPECT can offer you confidential information, counselling and support.

Once again, thank you for reaching out and we encourage you to continue the conversation here on your thread to continue receiving support from the community.


Take care,


Sophie M.

[Larnzi]

Hi Justme85.

I am really sorry to read of your situation and I am happy to see you reach out for help on the forum. There is a great phone number service mentioned in the post above by Sophie you should call. They will have some valuable advice and support for you.

I just wanted to make mention on another aspect of your situation - your kids. It is important that they have support and help as well. I say this because I grew up in a household with parents who fought a lot & it has affected us children in a very big way into adulthood. I was unaware of how it actually had affected me until recently when I started to talk about it all (I am in my 30s now). I am now angry that my anxiety & attachment issues are a direct result of my parents arguing as a child & have to accept I cannot change what I experienced as a child but now have a lot of work to do to change behaviours & fears ingrained in me as a result.

For your children to recieve support & help to deal with their feelings & thoughts towards the situation now can help to set them up with positive coping behaviours into adulthood. Whether this help is in the form of a school councillor or external councillor, please make sure your children gave support as well as yourself.

I wish you the best moving forward into a new happier life which you and your children deserve.
Larnzi