My wife Left me Sept 21st

[Brad49]

After my wife gave birth I lost connection with her I tried getting it back but couldn't.. She was distant... Next thing I knew I found out she was having a Affair. The first time she came back she said she only did cause she loved me. I tried putting a stop to it.. But the other Guy kept chasing after her.. and she had more and more secret liasons. Until finally in September this year she decided to leave me for the other man.Its been 2 months now . I'm on meds anti depressents and anxiety pills.. I'm doing my best to move on. Its so difficult. The problem is my wife is very nieve(all her friends tell me) and was manipulated into this relationship. She lost all her friends and family by being with this guy.They told her not to do it. And recently I cut her off from access to her son. She has no money no job no government benefits and is sponging off this new boyfriend. The problem is even after everything shes done I still love her very much. I'm dating I'm seeing other women. I'm going to the gym I'm getting trim taught and terrific. I keep on waiting for someone to tell me that my wifes relationship with her boyfriend is over.. I know Affairs don't last long but is it just me thinking that this relationship shes in wont last?

[Forest_Critter]

Hi Brad, welcome to the forum.

Sounds like quite a difficult past few months for you. Being a single dad, while trying to be rational about your relationship break-up must be stressful and exhausting. So I'd just like to commend you; it seems like you've gotten help for yourself, and are taking steps for yourself to be happy. That's amazing.

Onto your ex: from what you've said it seems like she is going through some major changes as well. It also seems characteristic of her to not hold true to commitments, or follow through on her decisions. If her life is taking a negative turn, the best for her is to seek help for herself. I find it difficult to believe a recurring affair is the result of pure manipulation (excusing her of moral responsibility) on that other man's part.

For now it seems the best thing for you and your son is to be healthy and happy. It sounds as though the state your ex is in would require some help from a psychologist. Letting her back into your lives may not be best for you, her, or most importantly your son.

If you feel compelled to take care of her, which is completely understandable, that itself is a commitment to making sure she receives help. I don't think it is wise to take her in and try and mend her issues yourself, in proximity to your son.

It may also be important to remember that the decision to exclude her from your son's life is not definite or permanent. Although it is difficult, it may still be best that she receive help and show some adequate change before coming into your and your son's lives. In time, when things are more stable, it may make perfect sense for her to come back. However I agree with what you have done thus far; it simply isn't best for you or your son.

I'm definitely in your corner on this one Brad. If you'd like to reply or share more, I'd love to hear it, if you're comfortable.

All the best,

- FC

[Brad49]

Well heres some more information. My wife is filipino and has never dated a Aussie guy before besides me.She doesnt know what Aussie men are like... This other guy had a Thai girlfriend for the first 6 months he was seeing my wife. The thai girlfriend Messaged me on Facebook concerned that my wife was believing all his bullSh.it(Her words)and tried telling me what was going on And how glad she was to be rid of him cause he was such a liar.My wife is convinced now that hes not seeing anyone else.. Just her.To me he sounds like a player.But to her hes such a nice guy.. He pays her bills and gives her a little money.apart from that she stays at home all day either asleep or listening to the radio.I kept in contact with her for the first few months for the sake of our son.. But most of the time she couldnt be bothered turning up to see her son.(I dont know wether its because shes broke or what) After not bothering to see her son on his birthday i cut her off. She even had the audacity to ask me for a loan of some money... I can see her getting hurt very badly by this guy.. Getting dumped on the street with nowhere to go as soon as he gets tired of paying all her bills. No friends no family to help her.

[Forest_Critter]

Hi Brad, thanks for replying.

From what we've heard about the other guy, it doesn't seem as though he's fit to date a mother (albeit an inactive mother). No contact with you, or helping her reach out to her son, or resolve things with you, spells an isolated and more negative environment he and your ex are in.

However, I think all that should be decided should be based on your ex's condition. Based on my (limited) knowledge of her, she is very dependent, and not very ambitious. She may be suffering from depression, which could be something that inhibits her motivation to establish a connection; but this is a great benefit of the doubt.

For now I would stick with what you're doing. It seems as though she would have a negative effect on your son and yourself; not only because of her crime, but her condition is not ideal for mothering a son.

I recommend preparing for some scenarios; particularly the case of her breaking up with that guy and desperately seeking shelter with you. Do you have any contact details for her immediate family (parents, siblings)? In the case that she turns up on the door-step, it's up to your discretion how severe it is, but I'd recommend sending her on her way to family.

If you were to take her in, the severity of her effect on you and your son would have to be weighed against the consequence of turning her away. If everyone is better off if she goes to her family, that would be best.

Other options include guiding her into seeking help, but given the legal, and (in my opinion) moral wrongdoings and separation between you, due to her behaviour, I don't think you are necessarily obligated to take responsibility for her any longer.

My apologies Brad if I come off bluntly. What I say is with affection primarily towards you and your son.

If you're comfortable sharing more, I'll be here for you.

All the best Brad,

- FC

[Brad49]

My wife has no family in australia. The boyfriend knows this.she has lost all her friends to be with him... shes not talking to her family.or anyone . As far as i know she is quite isolated with no place to turn if she gets into trouble

[geoff]

hi Brad and welcome.
A wife who has had an affair doesn't come back to you when it finishes, 'because she loves you', I would take this as being an insult to your character.
If and when this affair might end, doesn't mean she will be off with the next fellow who walks past, there is no way your marriage could ever survive, and when the fellow she's with now runs out of money then she will also leave him, not necessarily back to you but to another chap.
She has done what her friends told her not to do, and now they have all gone, and as much as you may want her back, you won't have her for too long, let you and your son move on, leave her behind. Geoff.

[Brad49]

Im finding this so difficult. My son needs a mother. Im finding it so difficult raising a son on my own.I miss my wife every day.. Im not sure my Anti depressent/anxiety pills are working.Been crying for the past few hours.Been like this off and on the last few weeks,Have no friends or family to help me.No support nothing.. The only Relief i get is when my sons in childcare. I feel so lonely.and alone. Im reaching out on dating sites but the constant rejection is hurting.I hate being so alone.

[geoff]

hi Brad, dating sites are always tricky, simply because, you maybe tricked into believing that someone may love and costing you money.
If you don't think your AD's are working then it's wise for tour doctor to review them, plus you could also contact Reachout and/or Headspace, these people dress in informal clothes, such as jeans etc and maybe able to help you. Geoff.

[Brad49]

My wife Just got back from a trip home to see her family(Which she and i planned for but she made her boyfriend pay for) My ex wife calls me out of the blue to discuss a problem
with the lease to our house we were renting together previously.I
proceeded to tell her it was none of her buisness, thats theres nothing
between us and i didnt want to talk to her anymore..... She then started
pleading "Please don't" "Please dont hang up" "Please dont do this"
then i hung up on her.. Whats she playing at? is she trying to
manipulate me you think?Is she starting to feel remorse? Im still trying to get over her and move on and
this doesnt help....

[Brad49]

turns out she is looking to start a family with her boyfriend.. looks like she may be Pregnant Already.

Anyone know wether i will be responsible for this child in any way? As we are still married and will be married until September at least.