My wife Left me Sept 21st
Hi Brad, welcome to the forum.
Sounds like quite a difficult past few months for you. Being a single dad, while trying to be rational about your relationship break-up must be stressful and exhausting. So I'd just like to commend you; it seems like you've gotten help for yourself, and are taking steps for yourself to be happy. That's amazing.
Onto your ex: from what you've said it seems like she is going through some major changes as well. It also seems characteristic of her to not hold true to commitments, or follow through on her decisions. If her life is taking a negative turn, the best for her is to seek help for herself. I find it difficult to believe a recurring affair is the result of pure manipulation (excusing her of moral responsibility) on that other man's part.
For now it seems the best thing for you and your son is to be healthy and happy. It sounds as though the state your ex is in would require some help from a psychologist. Letting her back into your lives may not be best for you, her, or most importantly your son.
If you feel compelled to take care of her, which is completely understandable, that itself is a commitment to making sure she receives help. I don't think it is wise to take her in and try and mend her issues yourself, in proximity to your son.
It may also be important to remember that the decision to exclude her from your son's life is not definite or permanent. Although it is difficult, it may still be best that she receive help and show some adequate change before coming into your and your son's lives. In time, when things are more stable, it may make perfect sense for her to come back. However I agree with what you have done thus far; it simply isn't best for you or your son.
I'm definitely in your corner on this one Brad. If you'd like to reply or share more, I'd love to hear it, if you're comfortable.
All the best,
Hi Brad, thanks for replying.
From what we've heard about the other guy, it doesn't seem as though he's fit to date a mother (albeit an inactive mother). No contact with you, or helping her reach out to her son, or resolve things with you, spells an isolated and more negative environment he and your ex are in.
However, I think all that should be decided should be based on your ex's condition. Based on my (limited) knowledge of her, she is very dependent, and not very ambitious. She may be suffering from depression, which could be something that inhibits her motivation to establish a connection; but this is a great benefit of the doubt.
For now I would stick with what you're doing. It seems as though she would have a negative effect on your son and yourself; not only because of her crime, but her condition is not ideal for mothering a son.
I recommend preparing for some scenarios; particularly the case of her breaking up with that guy and desperately seeking shelter with you. Do you have any contact details for her immediate family (parents, siblings)? In the case that she turns up on the door-step, it's up to your discretion how severe it is, but I'd recommend sending her on her way to family.
If you were to take her in, the severity of her effect on you and your son would have to be weighed against the consequence of turning her away. If everyone is better off if she goes to her family, that would be best.
Other options include guiding her into seeking help, but given the legal, and (in my opinion) moral wrongdoings and separation between you, due to her behaviour, I don't think you are necessarily obligated to take responsibility for her any longer.
My apologies Brad if I come off bluntly. What I say is with affection primarily towards you and your son.
If you're comfortable sharing more, I'll be here for you.
All the best Brad,
A wife who has had an affair doesn't come back to you when it finishes, 'because she loves you', I would take this as being an insult to your character.
If and when this affair might end, doesn't mean she will be off with the next fellow who walks past, there is no way your marriage could ever survive, and when the fellow she's with now runs out of money then she will also leave him, not necessarily back to you but to another chap.
She has done what her friends told her not to do, and now they have all gone, and as much as you may want her back, you won't have her for too long, let you and your son move on, leave her behind. Geoff.
If you don't think your AD's are working then it's wise for tour doctor to review them, plus you could also contact
with the lease to our house we were renting together previously.I
proceeded to tell her it was none of her buisness, thats theres nothing
between us and i didnt want to talk to her anymore..... She then started
pleading "Please don't" "Please dont hang up" "Please dont do this"
then i hung up on her.. Whats she playing at? is she trying to
manipulate me you think?Is she starting to feel remorse? Im still trying to get over her and move on and
this doesnt help....