My partners porn addiction

[Cara62]

Well I just discovered that, yet again, a good part of every day my partner spends watching porn and masterbating. This can go on for hours and hours. This is not the first time and I have been thru all of the promises and lies and I just don't think I can do it again. Have we discussed it this time? No, he refuses. Turns it all back on me and my imagination. We were playing with my new phone and we must have clicked voice record, it recorded exactly what went on for 2 days while I was at work yet he still denies. He had an affair in 2018 for 6 months, I found out 6 months later, he attempted suicide which included police with guns drawn smashing doors and finally using a taser. I took him back because I loved him and he has no one else. My family and friends don't approve of my decision so I live two seperate lives, never mentioning anything about him or what we have done so there is no way I can talk to any of them. I feel violated and used. I just don't know what I feel. I am angry and cry a lot. I don't know what to do. I feel useless. I get up and go to work each day wondering what he is up to and who he is spending his days watching. I know I can't compete with his porn images and that any trust that I thought had been rebuilt was only in my mind. Just lost, confused, hurt and angry.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I feel for you. In your post there is only thing missing that is very obvious to me- self care.

Here you are tolerating your partner that fulfills his own desires, ignores any ramifications of them on you and you run yourself into the ground with disappointment- and not take any steps to plan your own future?

Im afraid I have to agree with your family on this but only because this issue is against your principles. His actions alone don’t violate the law nor do actual harm, they are simply in contrast to your values as a partner if his, you have a right to exercise your own boundaries. Once those boundaries are breached and ongoing without any attempt to rectify them then respect and obligation is gone.

I was in denial about my obesity recently. I went to my GP on other matters and he mentioned the BMI index and diet. I was furious. Normally I would have walked out. Instead I switched my thinking. This GP was seriously concerned about my health. He said it will take 18 months to lose 25 kg.

I left that clinic saying to myself “I’ll lose it by Xmas”!!!

google

beyondblue topic switching mindsets

Its ok to care for your own needs and seek a life YOU seek. You deserve that- everyone does.

Reply anytime

TonyWK

[Einna]

Oh Cara, I wish I can be there and give you a massive hug. Although I cannot give you any advice but just know you're not doing this alone. I'm in a similar situation.
Wishing nothing but the best for you dear. ❤️

[Cara62]

Thank you for your words. I know I have to look after myself and plan a future. I am just not ready yet. Still too confused.

Good luck with the weight loss. Sometimes we just have to be in the right mindset to hear what we really need to hear and act on it.

[Cara62]

Thank you. I wish you all the best and hope everything works out for you.